


Cyan Horizon

by DarkSigyn



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: F/M, Hiatus, Hurt/Comfort, Original Character(s), Science Fiction, Sequel, The Drift (Pacific Rim)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2017-12-26 16:51:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 23,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSigyn/pseuds/DarkSigyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(basically a sequel)<br/>A new Jaeger Cyan Horizon and its crew - sponsored by the infamous multi-billionaire and wannabe Batman/Jaeger-pilot Connor Malone - just have arrived in a very unprepared Shatterdome and the mourning Marshal Hercules Hansen is less than amused.<br/>The UN suddenly has huge interest in the PPDC and the last thing every member of the corps can hope for is a day off.<br/>Apart from that Mako is worrying about Raleigh, though she has no rational explanation. Has staying in the Anteverse for so long an effect of him? Or is there something else?<br/>And then there is Meghan Dupris, which calls herself Cyan, the pilot of that new Jaeger coming along with a little more than only emotional baggage and a bunch of secrets after being in a coma for years, like the Jaeger's AI voice and character, which are far too familiar to the last of the Jaeger pilots, as in a recently deceased Jaeger pilot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> this story is on hold until further notice, as I feel stuck a bit and since bot many seem to read it, I think I can take a break here

So this was it. Connor glared at the holographic display that covered the window in his office and switched off the sound that already annoyed him and yet the ticker still mocked him blatantly. The breach was closed, the enemy shut out. He had been so close, so close to finally go into battle and now his chance has passed. Connor turned around. His appearance was nothing special if it wasn't for the aura of power and certainty that wafted around him like a shadowy cloak. Born in 1980 just like Marshal Hansen who had pronounced the news, this and their physique were the only thing the two men had in common. Connor's eyes were gray, and his black hair already showed signs of his age. Born in the US, schooled in the UK Connor had always been rich and never had to fight for something else than outstanding grades and increasing the family businesses wealth. It turned out that he was very good in that. With the kaiju appearance the companies in Connor Malone's holding were one of the view that gained. He was relying on one of the few rules his father had taught him. He didn't save. Whatever his companies earned, he took a huge amount and spend it and maybe that was the reason this planet still had a functioning economy. At least that was what Connor believed.  
He would have loved to help in different ways, but the Pan Paficic Defense Corps had rejected him. No drift compatibility. This had not been the only reason, but that one was burned into his mind. Connor had been raised to be a leader and not a team player. All his achievements, his intelligence his training was worth nothing. They would not let him be a pilot. His money was worth nothing. They even were appalled. And a man who was used to getting everything was incapable of digesting that. Even though there was no reason for hope, he would create himself a new one, when time was right.  
The more monetary trouble the PPDC got itself into the more he was able to buy himself in. Everything that they couldn't afford anymore, he would buy, and in the end, when then jaeger program fell it was him who bought all the domes that no one else's wanted. Including Anchorage where he was standing now. Each person who lost his or her job who seemed valuable was offered a new position in his private jaeger program. He had exclusive rights to enter Oblivion Bay the jaeger graveyard, he had a special agreement with Hannibal Chau who sold him everything jaeger related he found at the places he was allowed to enter.  
Everyone who knew about this more or less secret agenda, which was difficult to hide because it consumed money like a black hole, put it off as a rich man's hero complex and Connor Malone never denied that. As long as he wouldn't be able to find someone he could drift with, there was no chance for him to pilot a jaeger alone without damaging his nervous system severely. There was no person on earth and he knew it. No one with a personality similar or compatible to his was someone he would be able to trust his deepest secrets and the more reasonable part of him knew that this was another one of those points why the PPDC had not wanted him as one of theirs. Also he could imagine that his belated father payed them off, simply because he could not lose his only heir to a giant robot. His father was dead now for years, killed by what his son had not been allowed to fight. Life was irony. That he knew perfectly well.

He had found her in a hospital. Being bored and not having anything else to do he visited that place personally after they had asked him for donations. Admittedly he was curious about the research that facility had invested itself with. They were treating coma patients and patients with neural damage. The doctor who showed him around had explained that they had wanted to use the drifting device to get access to the coma patients mind but their request had been denied. And this was when Connor Malone became intrigued. So Doctor Catherine Nevlin brought him to her: Meghan, orphaned, a millennium child; basically she could have been his daughter. He remembered this moment as it was yesterday: that deranged, destroyed body, missing limbs, bones, even her face was party ruined. he instantly knew that this had been a kaiju. But what carved itself into the inside of his skull was what Nevlin said after explaining the damage this girl had been through. "But her brain function is incredibly strong. It's what keeps her alive. Something inside of her refuses to die. I bet this one could pilot a jaeger alone."

Connor Malone turned around and tapped onto an invisible switch.  
"How's Cyan?" he demanded to know and a soft female voice, which had become so familiar over the time answered slightly reproachful, because he had come straight to the point - like he always did: "Probably just as devastated as you are."  
"Send her over to me", Connor returned. "See that's why I didn't want the two of you go along with Horizon. Life's..."  
"Irony, yes, I know", Nevlin answered with a chuckle. "You know that she doesn't share that view on things, not even after drifting successfully with you."  
Once more his facial expression hardened. Right now he was not in the mood for this kind of conversation and after all those years working together she knew that.  
"What do you think why I want to talk to her?" he responded.  
"You're not telling her that everything will continue as planned because you know that she needs to hear that, but because you want to make sure that she is prepared", was her answer and of course she was right. "At least try to sound sensible."  
Connor opened his mouth for another snappy response but these verbal fights were getting old.  
"I assure you, this will have a positive impact on her functionality", she added and the corners of his mouth lifted sightly.


	2. Cyan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An introduction to Meghan Dupris, also known as Cyan.

So this was it. Cyan tried to loosen her grip on the metal rim she was sitting on, watching the people below that still were busy with working on the hangar, despite the news they just had gotten, because no one had told them to stop. They were like ants waiting for their – in this case – king to tell them what to do or not, like that part of the brain which was used to ponder and weight a decision was non-existent. In a way they were much more alike than Cyan ever would have wanted to admit. And yet she herself lived, even existed, for the sole purpose to fulfill the personal need of Connor Malone to be a jaeger pilot: to be his drifting partner, to take and lessen the strain piloting such a huge skyscraper high robot.  
The young woman formally known as Meghan Dupris looked down, dangling her legs that weren’t hers. Well, at least three quarters of them were artificial. The left leg had been completely replaced, including her pelvis and hip and her right one just above her knee. Cyan knew her medical reports; her knee had been functional, but the doctors worried that carrying a carbon-titan lower leg would sooner or later ruin the joint that they choose to cut off a perfectly healthy part of her and also decided that it would be better if most of her skeleton wouldn’t be human at all. They were too scared to replace her spine, so they simply fortified it with the same material.  
If she jumped, she most certainly would me smashed into pieces and even her artificial limbs would probably be damaged and scattered. Not that she could care less. They weren’t hers really, so why should she? Maybe they would even reuse them, maybe even put her back together since she was some natural freak that refused to die. And now she was something else. She was not human anymore and because of this, she refused to use the name her parents had given her.  
Cyan never had felt so empty. Sitting there where only yesterday she had stepped into her jaeger for the last time. Now there was only a giant gap. Malone had sent him ahead, Horizon, not knowing or maybe not caring about what it would do to her - though she denied thinking of this possibility, even though it lingered in the back of her head, permanently scratching at the still human part of her skull. She rather had given away all her artificial body parts than be separated from him. Not even Catherine would understand, because she didn’t have all the information, but this was how it had to be. They shouldn’t know. Cyan was too scared that they would change him; erase him.  
A cracking sound made her flinch and rip herself out of her thoughts. Cyan pulled away her hands as she heard the material ache and looked at them. She remembered the first time she had woken up from the coma, it had felt unreal. Being in the drift had been more reality to her than this would ever be. Catherine had told her what had happened, had tried to prepare her for when she would open her eyes to see her altered body, and still nothing on earth would have been able to lessen the shock, the panic, the confusion, the disgust. Flexing and moving her fingers just like the very first time, it felt like she was traveling back, chasing the rabbit, in the drift. Only Catherine knew that a part of Cyan always stayed there, because that part of her brain wasn’t human anymore.   
She blinked as she realized that her right hand had placed itself over her face, sensing the coolness of the artificial skull and jaw, covered with human skin. Skin that could sense, skin that could bleed, skin thick enough to not let the titanium simmer through. Meghan Dupris’ face had been a ruin. She knew the pictures of that crushed and torn body. There were no memories of what had happened and no one could tell her whether it was the building they found buried beneath or the kaiju, or both. It didn’t make any difference. The only really important, crucial thing was that her body had refused to die. She had only been a kid and she had been unaware of what had happened to her, or her family, until Catherine had showed up out of nowhere, to befriend her, and reluctantly tried to tell her about the truth. Them drifting was an accident, a result of lacking knowledge of that woman and Meghan’s hungry mind had consumed all the information. On the outside she had been a teen, on the inside a child, until she learned everything from Doctor Levine.  
That part of her head was not her one anymore as well. She had tried to understand the explanation of what they had done, but in the end it did not really matter. Her brain had been damaged; they had replaced parts with circuits and other computer parts. In the end it just meant that she was a freaking Cyborg, though most people didn’t know. Most only were informed that the adopted child of Connor Malone had been a kaiju victim, that all this money was also for the purpose to restore her. They didn’t know that over the years more and more of her human body had been replaced, that she needed to take meds, replace her blood every night, because it was flooded with nanites little robots that made sure her body wasn’t rejecting herself, that the human parts kept on regenerating itself, but rusted and failed because of the water in her blood. They did not know that she had chosen to call herself Cyan because of her new eye color, but because she was CYbord MeghAN. They did not know that the only person she truly, deeply trusted was the artificial mind of her jaeger.  
A tickling in her eyes announced the picture that followed shortly after as Catherine appeared in front of her eyes, only for Cyan’s eyes to see.  
“Hello, darling”, she said softly. “Connor wants to see you.”


	3. unpleasant surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something unexpected happens at the Hong Kong Shatterdome.

This was not a sight one gets used to, especially when taken with surprise. The shatterdome had felt empty to everyone, deserted even when where four jeagers had been was none left. And now on Day 1 of post kaiju war as no one really knew how the program was going to continue, and the orders had been to retrieve the two destroyed ones from the bay, a jaeger was flying in.  
His arm still in a noose Marshall Hercules Hansen came rushing into the LOCCENT and stopped right next to Tendo Choi who had left the place he wasn’t excepting to be at for the next days, weeks, even months. He had been looking forward to seeing his son who he hadn’t laid his eyes on for more than six months, and now he was staring at a mech, that painfully reminded him of the Mark V they had lost a day ago. But this jaeger wasn’t Striker Eureka. Tendo carefully looked at Herc, whose face was nothing but stone, apart from the slight twitching of the man’s jaw. It wasn’t his jaeger and most definitely his son wouldn’t be in it. His son Chuck was nothing but dust scattered on the ground of the pacific.  
“What is this?” the Marshall demanded to know, his voice sounding husky, not taking his eyes off the huge robot approaching the shatterdome.  
It definitely was a Mark V, there was no denying, since the anatomy was so close to a human one, plastered with tons of steel at the newest technology had made possible, and yet it looked more like a knight, but maybe because its head looked almost exactly as Gipsy Danger’s, a Mark III, and the other one they had lost, sacrificed to destroy the breach between the worlds, the portal in the Pacific Ocean. This one really looked like a titan in a Knight’s armor, colored in a bright blue just like the cloudless sky with lines of yellow that definitely was supposed to look gold.  
“Cyan Horizon, Sir”, Tendo answered. “They have requested permission to land, though it doesn’t look like they would accept a decline.”  
Herc narrowed his eyes. He knew that Stacker would have told him, everyone about the fact that he had another ace up his sleeve, even not having time to wait for that jaeger. So even his fallen friend had no clue about this, and yet apparently the flight deck crew didn’t care. They were to enthusiastic directing the new jaeger into place.  
“Cyan Horison”, Herc repeated. “Where does it come from? Did they give any information?”  
“No pilots, no names”, Tendo was incapable to pull his eyes off the robot approaching, but his boss obviously had the same problem; Tendo knew that would change hearing what he added. “Apart from one: Malone.”  
Herc flinched, simple because he had attempted to punch the window in front of him with his hurt arm, he had dislocated just two days ago. If it hadn’t be for his own stupidity it would have been him, scattered across the ocean with his son and not his predecessor and friend Stacker Pentecost. And now he had to learned that there had been another jaeger that could have helped them, that could have changed the outcome of day zero. They both could still be alive.   
“Malone”, he almost hissed.  
Both men in the LOCCENT knew that name pretty well, too well for both their tasted. Often enough the term “wannabe Batman” had fallen in connection with that man. And he had planned to become the hero of the hour, just to be a day late.  
Herc had no interest in knowing how that bastard had been able to built a multi-billion robot, because this guy could pretty much buy the whole planet – how the papers described him. He didn’t even care how this man possibly had found a co-pilot – he probably would even have cloned himself, if that would have been possible. The only thing Marshall Hercules Hansen interested was why on earth he dared to show up with his big secret at all.  
He opened his mouth so say something as three choppers landed on the platform and armed soldiers jumped out to head for the main entrance, guarding a few men that seemed to me scientists and mechanics.  
“They brought their own teams?” Herc sounded as he would have preferred to snarl.  
“Sir!” both Tendo and the Marshall turned around so look at the gasping ground crew member, holding up a piece of paper, since he had apparently just used his last breath.  
Herc grasped it, just to drown even more. It was an official Transfer script, signed and stamped.  
“Now they befave like they’ve never given us up”, he murmured almost in resignation and handed it over to Tendo, who did not need to give it a look, already knowing that the UN had claimed back the superiority over their last Shatterdome.  
It was understandable, rationally, because after their devastating failure with the anti-Kaiju-wall, that had been torn down so easily in Sydney harbor, they needed good PR, and what was better than being responsible for the jaegers that had closed the breach? And now they even had a fully functioning one. At least, Herc thought, they didn’t sell their last Shatterdome to Malone, hopefully.


	4. An unpleasant surprise - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mako seeks out Raleigh on the first morning after they closed the breach to tell him about the unpleasant surprise at the Hong Kong Shatterdome.

It had been Raleigh’s first night of real good old sleep. As a matter of fact he had slept like a stone. No nightmares no drift feedbacks, no haunting ghosts of the past. Yet life had proven on time too much that one shouldn’t praise the day before it was over and when he sat up Raleigh felt like someone had smacked him over with a bar, a feeling he unfortunately knew too well.  
“Raleigh?” it sounded from the door, and he didn’t need to rely on his sore ears to know that it was Mako; however they did tell him that she seemed to be worried and nervous.  
He pulled his blanket over his lap to cover up the effects of waking up and told her to come in and his own voice sounded strange to him, maybe because he wasn’t used to sound like Yancy. That thought alone gave him goose bumps. His older brother was the one never getting out of bed quickly, needing a gallon of coffee to get awake before noon, not him. He was the one standing straight like a candle as soon as the alarm clock went off. Today he hadn’t set any, because today was the first kaiju free day since August 2013.  
It was impossible to oversee Mako’s flushed cheeks which burned a little brighter as they both realized that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. On the other hand she had been in his mind; she knew him inside out, so actually she did know much more about him that he even might know about himself and still seeing him like that made her look away and lose her trail of thought. After all they knew each other for a few days. Mako recovered more quickly than Raleigh, walking over to his closet, pulled open the drawer that contained the few shirts he had and tossed one over. It landed directly on Raleigh’s face, because he was to weary to catch it.  
“It is 8 am”, were her first words, which sounded almost reproachfully, if she hadn’t looked that worried.  
Usually Raleigh was an early bird just like her and so today he really had slept in. The way Mako looked at him he knew what she was thinking, that he had been in Gipsy without her for too long, that he might have damaged his neural system, even though the medical scans showed no sign, and no sign of radiation as well. But Mako Mori did not trust any calculation and examination she had not done herself. And Raleigh Becket was not that kind of guy who spoke about potential weaknesses when they did not affect his job and right now his job was to find some rest, like the doctors said.  
“A new Jaeger is arriving”, Make brought up the other topic that had worried her and Raleigh knew that she didn’t even start with the first one because she knew it wasn’t worth trying; at least for now.  
And that one sentence was enough to slap him awake like a kaiju alarm. The only reason why he didn’t jump onto his feet was the fact that he was halfway stuck in putting on his shirt.  
“What?” his voice was muffled by the fabric.   
Mako could hear that mixture of disbelief and anger in his tone she felt and when he pulled down the piece of clothing it were exactly her thoughts that came out of his mouth.  
“It’s a goddamn day late! Why didn’t we know about this? Why didn’t Pentecost know about this? What the…” he cut himself off as he say Mako’s watery eyes, still she managed to stop herself from crying.  
“It has come without pilots, though seemingly it is fit for duty. There surely is an explanation, but no one knows about that Jaeger. No one”, Mako explained and her voice was almost smooth, almost.  
They were thinking the same. Her sensei still could be alive. Yet while Raleigh would have gotten caught up in those thoughts, he still could anticipate hers. Even with another Jaeger coming in on that day, yesterday, who could have guaranteed that it had pilots or that these pilots were fit for duty. Though they weren’t the one to judge, they had been the reason against and for a wildcard in this whole operation. And still Stacker Pentecost, Chuck Hansen and maybe even the triplets and the Kaidanowskys still could be alive with another Jaeger.  
“It looks like some sort of Mark V”, Mako said matter-of-factly. “But it’s not a design I have seen. It is not one of ours.”  
Raleigh still was bound to his bed due to him having to cover some evidence he didn’t want to embarrass Mako or himself with. So he stayed seated and asked: “What do you mean by that?”  
“There is this guy. Malone, Connor”, she answered slowly, like she was trying to find the right words and that name rang a bell in Raleigh’s head but he wanted to let her finish before falling into assumptions about that multi-billionaire, who secretly wanted to be iron man with a Jaeger as his suit – so the rumors said, since some news channel found out that he had bought at least one Shatterdome. Seemed that this reporter had been right.  
“He wasn’t fit to be a pilot; I never had clearance to read his file, but there never was any need. The Marshall didn’t like him. He tried to avoid funding by Malone’s company even after the US left us”, she continued. “In the end we started selling information about old Jaeger projects, but apparently he got much more than that.”  
“You think that he’s one of that Jaeger’s pilots?” Raleigh shifted and Mako noticed.  
“I am not sure if a man like him is drift compatible”, she replied. “I will wait outside, so we can have a look at her.”  
He knew she was talking about that Jaeger and on her face briefly appeared an expression that fit to the sting he felt when they both thought about Gipsy Danger that was nothing but dust now on the other side of the closed breach.


	5. Allegiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyan gets new instructions from Malone: heading for Hong Kong Shatterdome and she almost spills the not so little secret about Cyan Horizon: Malone has no idea what Nevlin did to keep his top secret information out of Cyan's mind.

Cyan stepped into Malone's office like a soldier into his commanding officer's tent. There had been times when she entered this room with a glimpse of hope and expectation. All she ever wanted to hear from the man that made sure she was put back together, got everything a girl in her age needed, was some kind of approval. Somewhere along the road she had realized that the only thing Connor Malone expected from her in return for his generosity was allegiance with no questions asked. On that day when Meghan Dupris eventfully had learned that this man didn't have any interest in her person, but only in her potential and strong nervous system she had tried to be just that: his copilot. It was her only purpose to him. He had no interest in her emotion, he didn't care about her gratitude for taking her in. All he cared about was that she gave him the only thing he ever truly desired: a chance to pilot a Jaeger. And on that day she became Cyan.  
She didn't make a sound to remind him that she was there. No one came into Malone's office without his knowledge and no one was blessed with his attention before he decided it was time. It still stung. Every bit of a second that he made her wait before he turned around. Cyan had lost count of how often she had reminded herself that this wasn't about her as a person, that he did not act like that to hurt her on purpose, that this man simply was used to being the center of the universe. It wasn't her place to question that. And although he turned around to her almost immediately, it wouldn’t lessen that ache she felt; this emptiness he had created in her and ripped open by sending her Jaeger ahead to Hong Kong.  
“Cyan”, Connor Malone said with a slight smile that didn’t reach his eyes and she had learned to read his facial expressions. “Everything will continue as planned. The breach may be closed but the world still needs a Jaeger to make them feel safe.”  
He paused, almost as if he was expecting for her to answer, but she didn’t and he didn’t really care. Cyan wondered if he even remembered that she had the ability to speak, that her vocal cords were perfectly intact. However she had chosen only to use them when they were really heard which didn’t happen very often. As a result only Catherine was aware of the fact that Cyan was able to speak.  
“You’re going to Hong Kong today. I want to make sure that Horizon and you get the newest updates as soon as possible. However I won’t be able to join you soon. I have some severe issued to tend you. But I know you will be just fine”, he continued and ended with a slight smirk that did reach his eyes.  
She knew that he was looking forward to jockeying his Jaeger with her.  
“You are fit for duty?” he needed to know and there actually was worry in his voice; Cyan knew that it wasn’t about her; she simply nodded, waiting for him to give her the allowance to leave.  
She couldn’t wait to see him again. Him. Cyan could Imagine those odd looks others would have given her if she had spoken it out that Cyan Horizon was a he and not a she like all the Jaegers were addressed. Catherine Nevlin already had given her a frown when she had made the mistake to address to that Mech as a male. She had shrugged it off, like it was just her thing. No one could know that those protocols that had been installed to perfection the Jaeger had a side effect. Cyan had figured it out; what Catherine had done to make sure that Malone’s knowledge wasn’t transferred into Cyan’s mind and she would carry this knowledge into her grave.  
Every pilot was saying that their Jaeger was special, one of its kind; Cyan Horizon however really was something that never had existed before and she missed him. Being separated was like having all out your vital organs ripped out. Cyan felt more slow, she was in fact more aware of her artificial parts now that the Jaeger was on an other continent.  
“I expect you to make your routines”, Malone ripped her out of her thoughts and she instantly nodded, like the obedient soldier he expected her to be. “And Doctor Nevlin will be going with you. We just needed to get the newest transmissions for the next updates. Unfortunately they are not complete, as you know that all the other Jaegers have been destroyed. So if there is any problem you need to report them.”  
Cyan nodded once more. She had watched all the material about the last fights she had gotten. Thinking of the last moments of Gipsy Danger and especially Striker Eureka was painful. Knowing that the records of those last moments would be transferred into the database of her Jaeger made her shudder. Would she be able to see what had happened or had the transmission broken off before that? Cyan actually worried if Horizon would be able to cope with the last moments of Eureka’s pilots and the Jaeger itself.  
“You probably are going to meet the surviving pilots”, she heard Malone say. “I want you to be careful, how you react to them” – so he had forgotten that she was actually capable of speaking.  
Cyan nodded, wondering of whom he was thinking as he told her this. She had an idea that it were the two pilots the news kept on talking about: Mako Mori, the adopted daughter of Stacker Pentecost, who had sacrificed himself, and Raleigh Becket, a has been, who had lost his brother Yancy. Thinking of the elder Becket gave her goose bumps. But in that very moment Connor had finished his sentence, Cyan had thought of Hercules Hansen and she swore that she could feel Horizon shiver on the other side of the Pacific.


	6. From Bad to Worse

„Let’s get a look on that Jaeger”, Raleigh had spoken out Mako’s thoughts when he got out of his room five minutes later, His hair still being wet from the shower.  
Her eyes springing briefly to notice this she did her best not to blush and Raleigh chose not to acknowledge her failure of hiding her possibly dirty thoughts. He wouldn’t have headed into that direction with his own mind if it wasn’t for her reaction. Still once he got there it was hard to direct his mind into another direction even when Mako managed to do that just as easily as whiping dust from her sleeve. He did his best to do the same. Yet he didn’t succeed until that very moment he saw her, the new Jaeger, all shiny and pristine filling up the hangar like she had been built there.  
The resemblance to Striker Eureka was uncanny, even though it was obvious that this mech obviously had been adapted from an early draft. Still both Mako and Raleigh leaned their heads into the back of their necks to glance up at the giant robot which was shimmering in sky-blue and gold. They did not have to look at each other to know that they were asking just the same question: would they be her pilots?  
“Meet Cyan Horizon”, it was Tendo Choi’s voice that approached then and both turned around to see the first officer of the LOCCENT walking up on them.   
That view alone was strange because this man actually seemed to be glued to his chair in the central command station and now he was down there with them.  
“The marshal has a restricted video meeting”, Tendo explained reading the expression of the two active but Jaeger-less pilots correctly. “UN. I foresee: they are taking over again.”  
This wasn’t news to lighten up the day, so after it had settled in he continued: “It’s apparently some sort of Mark V. We already call it a Mark V-M.”  
“Malone”, Mako nodded and Raleigh gave her a look like she was some sort of genius, which she realized but didn’t give in to, though he could tell that she was slightly embarrassed.  
“Exactly”, Tendo nodded. “You can imagine the surprise.”  
Raleigh and Mako moved their heads in synch and agreement.  
“Well apparently this Jaeger is not fit for duty. She’s just finished. “And though the crew tried their best to keep me out I got a glance onto the system and I have to say it seems to be malfunctioning.”  
“So this mech is just a pile of junk?” Raleigh needed to know.  
“I wouldn’t say that”, Tendo looked uncomfortable. “It’s just that the core system is just not … I haven’t seen anything like that And Ijust got a glimpse into it because it seems to be online. Permantently.”  
“So who is piloting this Jaeger?” Mako asked surprisingly.  
“One of the pilots will arrive tomorrow with the head scientist”, Tendo shrugged. “That’s all I leaned before I got kicked out. Apparently she’s Malone’s copilot. I didn’t get the chance to catch more about her.”  
“You will be completely reincorporated into the UN-structure”, the head of board explained Herc via screen. “Each and every one of you will get their salary staring as of now.”  
This wasn’t what Hercules Hansen wanted to hear and it pretty much was written all over his face.  
“You still will be in command of the Hong Kong Shatterdome but we expect you to welcome the crew of Cyan Horizon as one of your own. Also make sure that the co-pilot ant the head of science feel welcomed.”  
“Tell me how much did Malone pay you?” he asked bluntly.  
“Our funding is none of your concern, Marshall”, the chairman who had stripped them off any assistance answered sharply. “Just as we won’t ask how you managed to stay functional that long.”  
Herc gritted his teeth but did not comment.  
“Also you should promote your Pilots Becket and Mori, as we will need them shortly for public relations,” the chairman of the US continued and Herc did his best to remain calm on the surface.  
“And the sooner Cyan Horizon is capable of representing the Jaeger program, the better”; he added.  
“With all due respect,”Herc’s voice was resonating his anger. “I won’t let someone pilot a Jaeger without graduating academy.”  
“This is not your choice to make, Marshall”, the US chairman spoke before anyone else could. “We can guarantee you that the copilot has passed all test and is perfectly fit for duty. Also we’ve been guaranteed that the system of the Jaeger had been developed to make sure that there are no neural handshake issues.”  
“Let me be just clear”; the head of board said, standing up. “Either you follow command or you leave the UN Shatterdome.”  
Herc tensed. He knew that they knew that this place was the only thing he got left. He looked down as Max who was lying at his feet and looking up at his master just in this moment, an asking expression in his eyes when Chuck would come back to play with him. Who would he be without a Shatterdome, without a Jaeger when he already was without his wife and son?  
His answer was a lonely nod.  
“You have a week for preparation, after that, we expect you to represent the UN worthily.  
Herc had played with the thought to make the announcement via the speakers, but he knew that this wouldn’t make it. There was no way of replacing Stacker when it came to speeches and he had regarded himself just as an interim commanding officer. However the UN which still was the owner of this facility thought differently and so it was his task to inform every single person working at the Shatterdome that UN was taking back its reigns and that they would end up as cash cow for them. Everyone who couldn’t live with that was free to leave. When he spoke out those final words his glance met Raleigh’s and somehow it was comforting that this guy did understand, and did not judge him for staying. This cut even deeper but Herc didn’t show. It was his job now, being the fixed point of this operation, being immovable, invincible. He had no idea how longit would take until he broke.


	7. Abomination - part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raleigh isn't pleased about the new Jaeger, but there is something way more disturbing waiting ahead and Tendo is up to clarify.

There had been nothing they could do about or concerning that Jaeger. Raleigh had to admit that she was a beauty, all shiny and new, perfect proportions, and that he couldn't stand her. Mako probably could have described that robot more accurately, but for him this one looked like they had mixed up the Australian Striker Eureka and the American Gipsy Danger in an effort to actually start breeding Jaegers. Not that his thought made any sense. Unlike Striker which he had admired silently, because it simply was so much superior to his own and older model Gipsy he couldn't help himself and dislike everything about Cyan Horizon and that - so he knew - was not like him at all. It did not even make sense. Raleigh explained it to himself that it had to do with the resemblance of his own Jaeger which he would never jockey again and the fact that this new one came to stop in Gipsy's hangar. No one really was thinking of simply replacing her, but still…. Even though the security would not let them anyone near Cyan Horizon, Raleigh came to know that it was built in Anchorage. Of all the places that one. He grew more and more annoyed and suddenly realized that in that very moment he kind of understood why Chuck Hansen had treated him like some catching disease when he returned to the PPDC just a few days ago. He breathed in deeply and let it go. There was nothing much he could do about any of it anyways.   
On day one post-Kaiju-war they had other things to fry like their cancelled vacation and re-integration into the UN, like the fact that now Mako and he would be promoting just those countries that left the Jaeger Pogram to bleed dry. No one was really happy about this fact, and yet Raleigh greeted the upside silently: their salaries would be paid, there would be no job search for every single one of them, they could continue to do what they loved – more or less.  
However also part of the UN campaign was that a Jaeger would be parading alongside with them and this Jaeger would be Cyan Horizon and not Gipsy Danger. For starters it would not need to move, since they were still working on it. On what exactly that was no one would tell, but it left the whole crew in suspicion. At least one of the pilots – as not multi-billionaire Connor Malone – would arrive the next day.   
“Meghan ‘Cyan’ Dupris”, the official spokeswoman of the UN that was explaining the entire charade on screen named her and everyone in the LOCCENT reacted more or less the same way as they realized that the women’s nickname also was part of the Jaeger’s code name, which no one really believed to be an coincident.   
Also as her profile with a photo and facts replaced the face of the rather boring woman, everyone was rather interested in what they could get to know about that pilot no one had heard of before. Born in the year 2000 she was younger than Raleigh but older than Mako. Fatally wounded in the first attack in 2013 she lost her family and apparently had several surgeries, which had been blacked out. Also Dupris had been a part of a new therapy for coma patients. After that all lines were blacked out, which made Hercules Hansen tense. Raleigh and Mako could see it in the Marshal’s shoulders and they looked at each other. There were much too many black lines on her profile.  
“You are expected to welcome her warmly. Her test and training results are remarkable”, the spokeswoman returned but lost the attention of most persons.  
When the meeting was closed by the screens turning black, Mako and Raleigh were asked to wait by Tendo. It didn’t seem like Herc was part of this until they noticed him sitting in a darker corner, obviously trying to deal with the pain of his broken collar bone. Raleigh asked himself if the Marshal was abstaining from pain meds. Somehow it seemed logical regarding the fact that he had a worse would that hurt him in a way no meds could numb. Dealing with a broken bone was easier than with the loss of his only son, he only had been able to save as a child in sacrificing his mother. Even with the experience of losing his brother and co-pilot, Raleigh knew that he would never be able to imagine how Herc must feel and he hoped that he never would.  
“I screened the systems of Cyan Horizon when it logged into the hangar”, Tendo came to the point and regained the two pilots attention. “and it’s odd, very odd.”  
No one commented the fact that he shared restricted information with them. As mission control the crew of Cyan Horizon was forced to let him do this and obviously Herc had ordered him to share that information with them. Or rather – so Raleigh figured – with Mako, since she was an expert and he was not.  
“So me being here is a courtesy”, he smirked.  
“For your experience”, Herc corrected and got up with a brief distorted expression and Raleigh knew he was right about the pain meds.  
“When Tendo told me about what he will tell you now I gave him the information about Dupris that were for my eyes only. You see I want to know how big the threat is I allow to enter my house”, Herc continued sounding eerily like his fallen best friend Stacker Pentecost.  
Somehow the choice of words seemed to come along with the job, but Mako and Raleigh could not give that any thought simply because of the fact that they were more or less freaked out about the cryptic statement. They looked at Tendo like he was able to translate or clarify. What threat was Herc speaking of?


	8. Abomination - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there are some revelations about that new Jaeger on of its pilots Herc, Raleigh, Mako and Tendo have to deal with.

"It's the pod", Tendo decided to start slowly. "It has strong similarities to the one that was specially built for the triplets piloting Crimson Typhoon. With the only difference that there isn't a third pilot interface.  
He paused to take look at Mako and Raleigh to make sure they were still on board, eventually grazing Herc's glance who gave him a brief nod to continue, as Mako leaned in to examine the electronic circuits leading to Cyan Horizon’s ConnPod narrowing her eyes.  
"She has an AI?" she blinked and looked at Tendo in confusion, ignoring the fact that Raleigh was seemingly lost, just to find some sort of understanding expression on the Marshal's face.  
"Yes", Tendo finally approved, pointing at that point to which many of the circuits lead and that remembered Raleigh of a big bowl of spaghetti and not something that could be a brain for an artificial intelligence.  
"At least I believe so. It's like they have expanded and altered the drift device and created something to act as some sort of filter and converter. That is, until I saw this", he hit a key like a physical full stop and the screen switched to showing the profile of Megan "Cyan" Dupris with way less blackened text and in addition to that it showed a digital silhouette of the woman, similar to those that were used when the LOCCENT was monitoring the life signs of the pilots.  
Yet there was one flamboyant difference.  
"What is that?" Raleigh tilted his head slightly not knowing where he should point at first, there were too many outlines.  
"Artificial implants and body parts", Tendo explained and let his index finger hover above that part of the skill that had several outlines as well. "I never thought it was possible, but it seems like she also has implants embedded into her brain."  
"Almost half of her body is artificial", Raleigh commented in disbelief.  
He was not stunned by the fact there had been parts replaced, even though in times like these no one really had money for artificial limps like these - after all her sponsor was a billionaire - it was really the fact what had been replaced and to what amount. When he was a kid there had been movies and books about this.  
"It's like she's a cyborg, yeah", Tendo agreed lowly, though it was written all over his face that he did not like that term, but there simply was no other way to put it, just like it was impossible to stop the heavy feeling from spreading in the LOCCENT.  
“I never thought that bastard would really do it”, Herc was the one to cut through it and eventually stepped next to them, looking onto the screen. “When he was told that he wasn’t fit to be a pilot, they made jokes that the only way Connor Malone would jockey a Jaeger was through him building himself one including a pilot.”  
Hercules Hansen looked beyond tired, even more than just worn, like being eaten away from the inside and still there was something close to sympathy and pity as Raleigh watched him staring at that woman’s profile. And he knew that Mako next to him thought the same. Still both would not say a word of concern. There was nothing they could do. This man had lost anything and being on this job right now with the UN storming back in was probably the best thing that could have happened to him.  
“One could put it that way”, Tendo agreed and Mako leaned in a little, to point at some technical terms and explain. “If I saw it correctly the AI interface and her …” she searched for the right word, “brain chip seem to be developed to somehow synch with each other.”  
“You mean so that they could drift?” Raleigh thought out loud and the three persons with him in the LOCCENT looked at him like just had spoken in yet another language they had not expected him to know.  
“Yes”, Mako confirmed apparently still thinking through what she just had heard.  
“Well, we will get a chance to see this”, Herc said and one could hear the suppressed pain in his voice, since his breathing wasn’t as relayed as he managed to look like. “She’s coming in tomorrow zero-eight-hundred along with a Doctor Catherine Nevlin and more crew. We will be watching over the newest update, since they didn’t want to go through the usual medical protocol for new pilots.”  
Despite everything Herc seemed to be pleased – at least a bit, so Raleigh thought by himself, because he swore that he could see a faint smirk on the Marshall’s face.  
“Strange”, Mako obviously had not noticed that expression. “Why would a medical examination need more secrecy than a Jaeger update?  
She was right: as strange as the mainframe of this Jaeger was, how much they would actually possibly be able to see monitoring an update with that extraordinary pilot, it could reveal much to them, especially to persons like Mako and Tendo who had both supervised rebuilding those giant robots including upgrading them. They were willing to let two of the brightest persons in Jaeger technology peek into their cooking book so that no one could sniff around in her medical file?  
As of now Raleigh completely understood Herc’s choice of words from before.  
“So it’s only this Cyan girl who is actually capable of piloting her Jaeger, right?” he was thinking loudly again. “If you don’t have that chip in your head”, he pointed at his own skull, that Jaeger won’t move?”  
“Well actually,” Tendo frowned briefly, “it can be piloted without connecting to the AI interface, but it’s like driving on the wrong side of the road, so to speak.”  
Mako looked at Raleigh and knew exactly what he thought. She was curious about whether one could see the difference to a normal Jaeger or not once it came to life. Yet there was something else. Her eyes moved back to the screen and she reached out to bring back the records of Cyan Horizon. Somehow she had a strange feeling about this one. Like not recalling if you switched off the lights when you left your room or not.


	9. Rumor and truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mako and Raleigh head for breakfast intending to ask Tendo about what else he knows about that pilot, just to learn that rumors already have spread.

Usually Raleigh was not that kind of guy who would listen to rumors. He had learned pretty early that hearsay developed the greatest wrongs and that often the truth was something almost profane. However not knowing anything about and upcoming situation was even worse. So after he managed to get up on time making sure that Mako would not be worries again even though his head hurt like a kaiju has slept on it, it was him who knocked on her door. Pentecost’s pupil opened so quickly that her hand already must have been at the knob.  
“You don’t look better”, she stated and he smirked as if Mako had said the opposite: “Thanks.”  
They stayed silent and Raleigh chose to ignore the looks she gave him. Apparently the worry she had displayed for her surrogate father were now fully transferred on him. If it had not been awkward Raleigh probably would have enjoyed it more. Yet eve since his mother had died there had been no one caring for him like this. That definitely was something one had to get used to.  
“I want to check up on Tendo if he has heard something about this Cyan”, he said as he sat down at the table and Mako took her place next to him, she instantly understood.  
Tendo was not only the guy who filed the reports for crew morale, but also the one people actually spoke to about pretty much everything. She nodded briefly and Raleigh knew that she would come with him. If she hadn’t been his co-pilot rumors would have spread in an instant, which was not something he cared about but he knew that in her core Mako still was Japanese and for her it would be embarrassing, like she was tainting her family’s honor and Pentecost was part of that. The slightest scratch on that surface would probably tear down the façade she was wearing herself, like the fact that the blue strands were gone. Everyone was wearing a black brassard today and yet Mako wore black and she was eating without any appetite just like him. It was Raleigh now, who watched her, confirming the dark rings beneath her eyes he had noticed earlier as she had rebuked him. He had slept just fine; it was like his body was now trying to catch up for five years of insomnia. Raleigh knew that it was her who couldn’t sleep, even though she had avenged her family, even though she did not have to worry about Pentecost’s health, but because that man who had taken her in, brought her up and taught her everything she knew was gone.  
“She doesn’t speak?” this sentence caught both Raleigh’s and Mako’s attention as to mechanics passed them by to sit down at the table behind them – where Chuck Hansen would have sat, but he had been Stacker Pentecost’s co-pilot. As Mako’s head dropped a bit Raleigh knew that she had had the same thought. Fortunately the guys behind them continued speaking about the exact same thing he had wanted to ask Tendo Choi about.  
“That’s what he said. It’s this cyborg-bionic stuff thing”, the man explained, trying to sound more experienced than he probably was, “like she communicated with the Jaeger through her chip.”  
Though Mako and Raleigh did not see it they both could imagine that the tech was pointing at his head. So the information about the artificial parts or Cyan Dupris’ body went around fast, but somehow that was a much too huge information as if could be kept a secret.  
“Did they also tell you that she woke from the coma the night that…” the other one started but cut off and Raleigh felt a sting even though there was no reason to think it was about him.  
“Yeah”, the first one confirmed, speaking more lowly, but still not as low that they couldn’t be overheard. “I mean how freaky is that? Being in a coma for years… They say she can’t sleep without that drift device they used to communicate with and that’s also the reason why she doesn’t talk.”  
“Can you imagine that? That being in a coma is like being stuck in the drift? I wonder how it feels like”, the other continued. “No wonder she’s addicted to that Jaeger and reality is like a dream to her.”  
“Yes, do they really call her sleepwalker?”  
“No, they don’t”, another voice had joined, a female one and a fork or knife hit the metal tablet that loudly, that the people sitting close instinctively turned around; just like Raleigh and Mako.  
Being almost as tall as Mako the only other similarity was what she wore, apart from the fact that her jacked was shorter and tighter and did not entirely cover the tank top which matched the, inhumanly colored, cyan blue eyes which were framed by dark blond hair that hung in light curls to her shoulders. That hairdo had nothing to do with what Mako and Raleigh seen on her picture. She was holding a tray with food that was still damping.  
“What they say about my eye color however is true”, Cyan Dupris added with a lower voice one might have had expected, and probably more human.  
Her glance moved from the two frozen techs, who were gaping with open mouths to the two of the three remaining pilots of the PPDC. Her eyes really looked unreal, like crystals.  
“Mind if I sit down?” she asked and he shrugged to which Mako made a nod.  
“Thanks.”  
Cyan walked around the table and sat down opposite to them and behaved like there was not an invisible neon sign pointing at her; most certainly because she was used to it. If two techs could learn such rumors about her in less than one day one could only imagine how many there really were.


	10. surprises of the stingy kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all. Cyan starts a conversation and reveals more than she wants and less than helpful. Also the past keeps on haunting.

Herc stopped right there at the entrance off the hall. He was still used to go here even though as official head of the Shatterdome he had every right to withdraw himself from the rest of the crew, and yet being alone, especially with Max who kept warding the door like Chuck would walk in every second was simply unbearable. Yet there for one second he thought it would have been better to face that empty room, in which he still stayed as he could not simply move into the Marshal’s chambers as those had been Stacker’s who had died along with Herc’s son. Where ever he turned he was reminded of it all, he could not even look at his dog, which had been Chuck’s dog in the first place. And now as he thought that it couldn’t get any worse he saw her. Herc Hansen recognized Meghan or “Cyan” Dupris instantly, but she looked totally different then from her profile picture, because she wore her hair open and was older, grown up. He knew that this was the pilot Connor Malone had created himself; literally build himself for piloting a Jaeger especially screwed together for him, so that he could pilot it, despite his drift-incompability. Herc was aware of that, his sanity stated that and yet all he saw was Angela, not only because of the physical resemblance, he heard her voice from right there where he stood.  
“Sir”, the greeting of a crew member snapped him out of his paralysis and he nodded, not only as a response but also to shake this crazy thought of his head.  
This woman was claiming to be a pilot, she had been born in 2000, she had suffered fatal injuries and survived possibly only because of her willpower – which Angela might have done as well. Herc gritted his teeth. That was not the way his strain of thoughts was supposed to follow. She was not her, he told himself. Period. Turning around he started walking to get his own breakfast, Max following loyally with his tongue hanging out but still keeping looking out for his other master.  
Cyan started eating like sitting with Mako and Raleigh was the most normal thing to do, even though they looked at her in slight confusion. So she looked up, and almost spat out that they should ask what they wanted to know, but that was not really like her. They said about her that she could not speak because she hardly ever did. Cyan frowned at herself. Both pilots did not seem to be like other people, who kept staring at her like she was a freak, it was rather concern.  
“You are going to watch the update”, Cyan decided to break the silence, noticing with regret that Raleigh had been about to say something, because she hated being the one to start a conversation.  
Her eyes moved to the crewmen that still were staring and who quickly turned away as they realized she was looking. When she looked at Mako she could see on her face that she was surprised how quickly the news was travelling.  
“Doctor Nevlin tells me everything”, she explained, trying to sound sincere, as she was not that sure about it anymore. “She was told that five PPDC members would attend. It was only logical that the two of you would join…”  
Cyan cut herself of, almost as if she almost had spilled a secret.  
So much for your social skills, Meg. She could hear a familiar voice in her head, the only one that used this nickname for her; the one she had had as a human being. Shut up, she replied silently.  
“You’ll do more than just monitoring it, right?” it was Raleigh who asked it and she blinked at him in surprise his response to that gaze was a friendly smile and Cyan knew that he was used to those looks; and she had to admit that it figured: he was too handsome and his demeanor too straight forward that many might have thought that at least his intelligence should be not above standards.  
She shook her head at herself, as a pilot one should know that combinatory intelligence and sensitiveness about other people were necessary to be drift compatible. These were exactly those reasons why Malone needed her, because he lacked at them.  
“No, I’m the compiler”, she eventually answered and now Mako’s face wore the expression her own had shown just a moment before: surprise and confusion followed by realization.  
“I know you got a glimpse at the file Herc… I mean Marshal Hansen received”, she shrugged and quickly looked down at her plate as she felt she was blushing and could tell the looks she just received.  
“You hacked your file”, Mako realized and made her straighten up again.  
“I get alerts when it is opened and where”, Cyan admitted again. “When the log told me it was the LOCCENT I knew that H… Hansen wouldn’t risk showing this to everyone but to those he trusted… as a pilot… you only trust other pilots.”  
There was this glance again. They both were not sure about her being a pilot like her and Cyan could understand that, despite the sting she felt. Also if they were as smart as she thought they were, she just had given them the explanation why she had sat down with them. She did not need to speak it out that she wanted to be one of them, even though she never truly would. Meghan “Cyan” Dupris was a pilot without a real co-pilot, because neither Malone was truly drift compatible, nor was her Jaeger human.  
Suddenly there was something at her leg and instinctively she turned around and tilted her head; Mako and Raleigh glances automatically followed.  
“Hey handsome”, she smiled radiantly and dropped her fork to lean down and take Max’s face in both her hands to squish it a little and rub her thumbs over his cheeks.  
Cyan neither saw the expression on Raleigh and Mako’s face or how Herc Hansen stopped in his movement as he heard her speak to his son’s dog like Chuck himself.


	11. things get strange and even stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- also Cyan continues explaining which leads to more confusion

Max the bulldog however was genuinely happy about the attention he got as the woman seemed to forget everything around her while rubbing his head, scratching him behind his ears, because it was just the treatment he had missed for the last two days. And Hercules Hansen was aware of that. His care for his son’s dog had not changed, but this was exactly the problem. Max always had been more Chuck’s dog, and everything about that loyal creature reminded him of his son. Even though an animal, the Marshal knew that he was making the same mistake he had done with Chuck, as they lost Angela and he saw just that right there. Apart from that it was just a really strange situation to look at, and it became even stranger.  
“Yeah, Max, that’s good right?” Cyan chuckled being absolutely unaware that she did know the dog’s name despite seeing him for the first time; it never had been on television, and she had never met the Hansens, there was no way that she could know the name, and yet she did.  
Mako and Raleigh looked at each other and Herc’s face turned paler than it already was. Still he managed to start moving again and also stopping right next to Max and Cyan, who both realized that they were not alone. As she let go the dog’s tongue fell out his mouth while he turned towards his master with wiggling tail. The time seemed to slow down to a full stop as her body followed her eyes grazing up the boots and the rest of that figure, who just had joined them.  
Anyone who would not know better just had to assume that Herc and Cyan had met before and that something unusual must have happened. Yet Raleigh and Mako did which made this situation even stranger.  
"Sir", Cyan jumped up after what seemed to be half an eternity and scooted her tray away to take a few steps back, like she was assuming that she was sitting on Herc's place even though that was obviously not the case.  
There was pure embarrassment written all over her face, which reminded Raleigh of the situation when Mako hat caught herself staring at his circuit burns. However cuddling with the dog of Hansen's dead son was not really the same situation, or at least it would not appear to be.  
Herc did not say a word; his lips formed a thin line, as he sat down and gave Mako and Raleigh a nod.  
"Are you gonna wait for me to tell you to sit down?" he asked Cyan without looking at her. "This is breakfast."  
As a response she almost crashed down next to him, leaving enough space between them so that Max would fit perfectly in, and finally lived up to the rumors as in being perfectly still - despite from trying to eat.  
Raleigh frowned, because of Herc's rather grumpy behavior, but on the other hand this man had lost absolutely everything, which would have explained it, if there had not be that look at that girl before and he could not imagine that Hercules Hansen would think of a person badly because of being half a robot. Then again she had treated that dog like she had known it since it was a pup.  
"You said, you were the compiler", Mako picked up the conversation as if nothing strange had happened at all, catching everyone off guard, and so Cyan simply nodded.  
"Yes", she said and continued to talk as openly as before, due to which Herc almost choked on the bread he just chewed on. "It's really complicated to explain that way of working, but as you know Horizon has an AI that's connected to my implant. In order to ... well ... drift with me it has to learn to read me. And update is nothing more but a lesson and training session combined. I train Horizon learns."  
"So that's what this is about?" Raleigh asked. "You are the one half of the Jaeger and Horizon is the AI?"  
"Yes", Cyan confirmed again. "And Horizon makes sure that I am compatible with ... well ... Mr. Malone."  
She seemed uncertain how to address the man who had built her up again, like she was a machine as well. Apart from that she avoided to look at the man who sat next to her, who seemed to have the same difficulties. Raleigh and Mako both chose to ignore that fact, because it was intriguing to listen to this woman.  
"So Mr. Malone has the same exercise?" Mako wanted to know and Cyan tilted her head slightly.  
"I don't know", she admitted. "If he has to I am not present at his sessions, which would make sense."  
Everyone stayed silent which implied that Cyan should continue, but obviously she was a little bit reluctant about this.  
"Horizon also makes sure that I cannot see into Mr. Malone's mind", she eventually explained. "It's like we both drift with Horizon but not with each other.  
If she had looked a little flushed before then now she turned pale and somewhat sad.  
"Well, the good thing about that", Cyan forced a smile upon her lips and looked from Mako over Raleigh to Herc. "If the neural handshake breaks with him, I can still jockey Horizon on my own without damage, which is kinda fun."  
She stopped right there and pulled her eyes back onto her plate, knowing that he appeared much too enthusiastic when it came to that topic.  
"And that's why I usually don't talk", Cyan said more lowly and did not look up again, her fork was out of her reach, since it was too close to the man who sat next to her. "And it's not even the reason why I am here. I'm supposed to tell you that it won't be interesting for you. All you will be able to see are monitors with brainwaves and me drifting with the AI. Doctor Nevlin doubts that this will be much of interest to you, but you can ask me what you want, that's the deal she offers."


	12. things get strange and even stranger - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more information leads to confusion and a strange aftertaste - some things are better left unsaid

"And what do you think, Cyan?" Raleigh asked, quickly adding her nickname, which made her look at him in slight but positive surprise.  
“Honestly, if I were you telling me that it wouldn’t be interesting I’d be there even more”, she answered and made him smirk. “I would wonder why there is the need to tell me that. On the other hand I am here offering information all of you wouldn’t get watching the update.”  
Carefully her glance moved to Mako, who looked calm and neutral, but also worn - Cyan knew about her relationship with Stacker Pentecost, who had sacrificed his life so that hers could go on. And even though she was older than the Gipsy Danger pilot, showing sympathy and respect was somehow important to her, even more earning the exact same from her.  
“Also I am the last person who is able to tell you what happens”, she continued. “I am in the drift space the whole time, the only thing you can probably monitor are my brain waves connecting with his… I mean Horizon’s digital waves and synchronizing them”, quickly she moved on, yet they all had heard how she addressed her Jaeger - usually they were regarded as female and not male; “The only thing I can tell you is that the IA learns how I react to situations.”  
“What situations?” Mako interrogated and titled her head which was a huge sign of interest.  
Cyan was startled, but she had promised that she would answer any question.  
“Usual ones, like everyday life, my memories and pictures I get to see, also fighting simulations”, she spoke more slowly now, like she was trying to avoid says specific things. “You know what the drift is. I couldn’t give you an example even if I tried.”  
“So these updates”, Raleigh jumped in and put a fork full or scrambled egg into his mouth, creating a more relaxed situation, like they were just talking about something random. “Are there to adjust you with the AI? It’s not a copy of you or something?”  
“No, that wouldn’t be helpful. Malone and I aren’t compatible”, Cyan answered and threw a quick glance at her fork that was lying as Herc’s tray, but decided to eat her bread instead.  
“Is that why the AI is male? Because of him?” Raleigh asked, making her cheeks flush, like she had been caught with stealing.  
“Yeah”, she nodded, avoiding to look at anyone and chewed on her bread.  
“How does that work?” it was Herc who asked now and for a short moment the girl next to him looked like he had poked her with an electric current.  
Reluctantly she looked at him and somehow Raleigh and Mako felt like sitting behind a window.  
“What do you mean?” Cyan needed to know.  
“I mean you’re teaching an AI that needs to be male but you’re female. I mean if gender is so important how does that work?” the Marshal explained and made her frown and his face strangely turned into stone.  
Her answer was not instant, but at least honest, though her glance slid back to her plate again: “I don’t know. I guess that’s just the proof that Malone is syncing with him as well.”  
Still there was something about her tone that sounded like she knew more than she said. Breathing in deeply she moved her head towards the big clock, and Raleigh noticed that she had clenched her hands into fists.  
“I need to prepare myself. If you want to join”, she got up and taking her tray with the food she barely touched with both her hands. “You should be there in ten minutes.”  
"You don’t call him Horizon, do you", again surprisingly it was Herc who spoke and forced her to look at him.  
Again Raleigh could not help but notice that her demeanor was slightly different, when it came to the Marshal, not exactly like Mako had acted around her surrogate father Stacker Pentecost, but something in that direction. Also Herc was asking like he already knew the question.  
"I…", Cyan stammered."No."  
There, right there, it was: the difference between a Jaeger pilot and those who were not jockeying a giant robot through connecting ones mind with its AI. It was a different perspective that only was possible through experience. Raleigh suddenly asked himself if Cyan Horizon really moved when she was dreaming of it.  
"How do you call him?" Herc seemed to be slightly annoyed that he had to ask.  
"No one has ever asked me that", she looked like a deer in a headlight.  
"I’m asking now."  
All three of them were wondering why she was fighting so hard to keep the simplest and seemingly most unrevealing question unanswered.  
Cyan dropped her gaze again and swallowed hard.  
"He said it stands for Cyan Horizon Unification and Collaboration Kit, Sir." And she quickly turned away to get moving.  
"C. H. U. C. K", Mako spelled out and the stared at the woman's back as none of them did speak out the name that those five letters formed.  
It had to be a coincidence, but then again in Raleigh’s eyes Cyan’s behavior did not match to this being just a contingency, especially when she knew the dog’s name. When he looked at Mako he could read the exact same thought in her expression and carefully he moved his glance to Herc, who stared emptily at his plate. It did not exactly fit to the assumption that hung in the air like a thick fog. Had he known it? Had he read information that he did not share.  
“See you in ten minutes”, the Marshal got up with his tray; just like Cyan he had barely touched his food.  
If things had been strange, now they had become even stranger.


	13. tune in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raleigh, Mako, Herc and Tendo get to monitor the update session.... and something goes wrong

They were right on time. Ten minutes, yet Hercules Hansen and Tendo Choi were already there and Cyan already was suited up. Her armor had a strong resemblance to the Australian one, only for the helmet look more American, just like the Jaeger itself. The coloring however was in a darker sky blue with golden highlights. As she turned around and recognized the four of them she stopped for a moment, her movement was so eerily controlled that it reminded them of her artificial body parts and above that her eyes matching with her armor made her even more inhuman. The light inside her helmet was cold blue.  
“They built up their control center in one night”, Tendo turned towards Raleigh, speaking lowly in awe; and it was in fact something to look at.  
“Like that we are able to have the same control and monitoring as in the LOCCENT, but as a solitaire system”, a woman probably in Herc’s age and in a white doctor’s coat turned around to him.  
“This is Doctor Nevlin”, he introduced her to the three others.  
As this had been her ‘go’ Cyan continued moving, her eyes grazing Nevlin’s who gave her a nod.  
“She is head of the whole project”, Herc continued and the dark haired woman turned towards them to give her whole attention while her protégée walked towards the opening at the back of the Jaeger’s head.  
The whole headquarter had been build into the suiting room of what had been Gipsy Danger’s Hangar. Raleigh more relieved than impressed as he looked around, simply because it didn’t remind him of his Jaeger. Looking at Mako he realized that she was not sharing this opinion; she looked somewhat sour.  
“Horizon’s up and ready”, one of the engineers reported from behind her, who merged perfectly into the background with the blue suit he was wearing.  
The whole place looked like they tried to give the impression of being in some futuristic age.  
“You call the AI Horizon?” Herc asked out of the blue – literally, so Raleigh said, because the more he looked around the more blue he saw.  
“Excuse me?” Nevlin was startled and confused alike.  
The door behind Cyan was locked.  
“Your pilot told us that he”, the Marshal emphasized the gender, “has told her a different name.”  
The doctor turned around to the head of the Jaeger with a frown and in that moment the ones that had had breakfast with Cyan just before, remembered what she had said before her answering that question: no one had asked her that before. So maybe, Raleigh thought, Nevlin hadn’t asked her as well. The woman gave the engineer a nod and looked at her guests.  
“Initiating update protocol”, the man resumed with his protocol.  
“Well we call the artificial intelligence Horizon”, she responded. “Cyan and Horizon have their own conversations we usually do not listen to. So it might be that she calls him differently.”  
Raleigh was slightly disappointed that they would not listening to Cyan running her update – at least he thought so.  
“It’s actually their thing”, a young man who also wore a lab coat answered with a big grin and held a tablet. “Gavin Reynolds, PhD, I’m monitoring the waves.”  
Neviln was less than pleased about the boy introducing himself, because she rolled her eyes.  
“Excuse me”, the young man quickly added and turned towards his boss. “I checked the upload, there was a part missing. I corrected that, so we’re good to go.”  
The woman froze and turned pale.  
“What?” she inquired, obviously forgetting about the four people who did not really belong there and grabbed the tablet.  
In the background the screens were flickering and one of them showed Cyan breathing in and out deeply. Raleigh could swear that her eyes shortly flashed in a lighter color.  
“Update is running”, the engineer kept going, sticking to the protocol just like Tendo when he was doing his thing.  
“The … uhm…” Reynolds briefly looked at exactly those four persons and lowered his voice. “the record wasn’t fully transferred. There were a few seconds missing. I corrected that.”  
Nevlin’s jaw clenched and now the boy’s face turned pale, as one could see her silently pray down a list of curses in her head.  
“You erased them on purpose?” he cautiously asked.  
“Dammit, that’s the EMP, Gavin!” his boss burst out and turned around, she leaped next to the engineer. “Abort!”  
“Shit”, was Gavin’s comment on that and followed her.  
“The EMP?” Tendo spoke out what the rest of them definitely were asking as well.  
“No way, the recording is much to long”, they all could listen to a stew of words starting to unfold.  
“M’am, it’s too late, the records would me inconsistent.” –  
“I know the record didn’t stop after the electronic fall-out, which is why I erased the whole damn minute from the upload I couldn’t read it!” Nevlin snapped at the younger scientist.  
“But that is impossible”, he responded.  
“Which is why I erased it from the record!” she hissed at him and hit a button: “Cyan, you need to abort. Cyan? Sweetie, stop talking to him, talk to me!”  
“She’s drifting, M’am”, the second engineer who hadn’t said a word until now turned towards her, and then looked at the four people who stood in the background. “We have to tune in or proceed as planned.”  
“Tune in”, Nevlin decided and grabbed a head set that looked out of the ordinary, because there were little pads that made it look like a spider.  
“But, M’am”, the second engineer kept looking at Mako, Raleigh; Herc and Tendo, who here silently watching with growing interest and maybe confused fascination.  
Nevlin moved around and looked at them.  
“I don’t care, I don’t take the chance of the EMP simulation to fry her brain”, she decided and turned her back on them. “Tune in.”


	14. C.H.U.C.K.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the title says everything

It literally sounded like they were tuning in to an old radio and additionally to that Cyan’s eyes seemed to flicker again on her screen. While the two engineers and two scientists were working on their machinery they all were already able to hear to the pilot whose mouth had started moving right after the flash of her eyes.  
“Don’t tell me you’re not excited for the next trip”, she said and it was strange to listen to her sounding so lighthearted, like she really was talking to a person.  
“Hey, I haven’t seen you for like a week”, came the response that took Mako, Raleigh, Tendo and Herc more than off guard, because despite the electronic warping, the voice sounded familiar.  
“Yeah, but we talked”, Cyan answered. “I wish you’d shut up once in a while.”  
“Then you shouldn’t call, sweet-ch…” the voice broke off, which made her frown.  
“Connection established”, the engineer who was reporting the whole time stick to his job.  
“Chuck? You still there?” Cyan’s voice faltered.  
“What the hell”, Herc said tonelessly and his companions couldn’t help but look at him.  
“We’ve got company, Meg, proceed with protocol”, the AI answered rationally; Raleigh could not ignore how the AI called her, just as he was not able to ignore how she called him, because that was exactly how he sounded and it gave him goose bumps.  
“Cyan, listen”, Nevlin’s voice seemed to be inside of the CONNPOD. “You need to abort. The update is corrupted, but has already uploaded. Only you two can stop it.”  
The girl looked like she just had learned that she had to put down her beloved pet or something equal to that information.  
“You don’t think we can work through that corruption?” she answered after a moment of thinking.  
“Please do not argue with me”, Nevlin responded and Cyan’s eyes narrowed, like she didn’t want to hear it.  
“The update is already progressing, deleting it would be a risk damaging Horizon”, she explained. “I don’t need to tell you that, Catherine. I am not willing to … He won’t be the same. We continue. Give me full insight and tell me when I need to stop.”  
“I cannot do that, Cyan.”  
“Why? I don’t understand why I cannot be conscious during the session anyhow. I actually think it would be even better. What’s this about? What’s the corruption? Convince me”, she did not sound stubborn, but angry and annoyed.  
“Reading through the data”, Horizon’s AI, that was called like Hercules Hansen’s son and almost sounded like him, stated.  
This and the scientists talking about an EMP and records made Raleigh come to only conclusion. He wanted to talk to Mako to confirm his assumption, but somehow it felt like inadequate with Herc being around. They were using Stiker Eureka’s digital records for their training sessions; the only Mark V Jaeger that had been digital and had been piloted by Herc and his son Chuck, despite her last mission, because Herc had broken his collar bone. That last mission that destroyed the Jaeger as the two pilots had sacrificed themselves to that Raleigh and Mako could close the breach.  
Raleigh would never be able to describe the look in Herc Hansen’s eyes as an AI spoke with the voice of his son.  
“NO!” Nevlin shouted, making them flinch. “The record contains an EMP, we don’t know what effect the simulation will have on the two of you.”  
“Oh shit”, Cyan spoke out, but it wasn’t what she had heard, her eyes were looking into a far distance and then they flickered again.  
“Cyan?” the doctor asked with a husky voice.  
“The connection broke, M’am.” – “Horizon went through the update, but he’s still running. Protocol keeps running. You have to give her insight, though I cannot guarantee that she will be quick enough to abort. She doesn’t know the situation; she hasn’t seen the record as usual to not corrupt her reaction. But there is a chance that Horizon has adapted far enough to stop the simulation before the EMP”  
Nevlin pulled of the headset and breathed though.  
“Why today?” she spoke out loud. “Why?”  
“The simulation has started, Horizon is functioning and speeding up as usual.”  
“Well”, Gavin Reynolds who had stood by silently and only had retrieved his tablet, suddenly joined the conversion. “Yes and no. The waves have changed already.”  
“I am sorry”, the doctor turned towards her guests. “But I must ask you to leave now.”  
“Why? Because we already saw enough to know that you are using real combat records for you simulation?” Herc stepped forward.  
“I am sorry but I cannot confirm that”, Nevlin answered.  
The stare the Marshal gave the doctor had the ability to melt metal, and yet he was not a person to make threats, even if he had the power to.  
“You don’t need to”, he eventually continued. “I can recognize my son’s voice warped or not. You are using our combat records for whatever experiment. What gives you the right to steal highly confidential material and use it like this?”  
“Malone helped building Striker and securing data was one of the payment conditions”, Nevlin responded. “These are simply tapes, Marshal. I don’t have time for this. If something happens to hear, everything I have worked for, we have worked for will be lost.” She threw up her hands. “You want to know why? Fine! I tell you, but right now I need you to shut up, because if Malone finds out that you know he will tear all of this, everything down.”


	15. Warped Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This training session reveals a disturbing truth.

Cyan could not hear anymore what was happening outside her Jaeger, in fact she wasn't even aware anymore about that there was something else than that. However it wasn't something she was unfamiliar with. This was how the training session worked. She was drifting into some dream state being the compiler from visibility to emotion, instinct and reaction. Like every time it felt like suddenly losing the ground beneath one's feet and then she was there, watching, experiencing, to never remember once she was back. The doc had told her that this was part of the procedure, because Monroe didn't want her remembering anything. The problem was: somehow she did remember bits and pieces like remembering a dream. Cyan did not tell anybody about it, because she didn't want to forget those scraps of being a real pilot, and because maybe she was just making things up. And it wouldn't make any difference to the scientists, they would stop the sessions, examine every inch of Horizon and every cell of her to make sure that there were no issues anymore and she would have no chance to talk to him; worst case scenario: they would erase him. Cyan could not bear the thought of losing the only friend she had, the only one who understood her, the only one who accepted her, the only one that made her happy. So she stayed silent about this, until today when she told three complete strangers about CHUCK and the worst thing was that two of them, on especially didn't feel like a stranger at all.  
At first there were only flashes pictures that easily could be explained by her having a vivid imagination, adding her own version of things she had seen on the TV. If anyone would have cared about her one would have known that Cyan never had missed a single fight of Striker Eureka, none of the eleven that had been shown on TV, even though she had missed the first one. It had been the first fight that had woken her up.  
She could hear them talk, and discuss with the LOCCENT and this was something no TV channel was showing. There was no way that they could get into the CONNPOD of a Jaeger. But right now she was there, just like several times before, standing in the back of Striker Eureka’s head watching and listening to Hercules and Chuck Hansen who had been ordered to stay back, to watch Crimson Typhoon getting ripped into shreds.  
“We’re moving in”, she could hear it in her head, and she couldn’t tell who of them had said it.  
Cyan could feel herself move, feel Striker getting ready, sense her muscles flex and the immense pull as the skyscraper high Jaeger burst into a sprint.  
Then fast forward. Pictures, voices, movements, emotions running through her like the blood in her veins. They were too late. Something was wrong. Cyan remembered. Her heart jumped. This was what all the fuzz had been about. She needed to stop the session before the fallout. The EMP, Gavin had added it into the transmission again. This was real. Her dreams were real. This was not imagination. Catherine made her re-watch, re-experience those fights. How had she gotten hold of them? Cyan could sense how she started to panic. Her tongue was tied. She needed to talk to Chuck. Her Chuck and still her head moved to the point where Herc’s son stood. Suddenly a chill scratched across her skin leaving goose bumps.  
“Chuck, stop the sequence”, she said, her voice foggy.  
There was no reaction. Cyan cleared her throat: “Chuck, do you copy? Please, talk to me.”  
That damned Kaiju was gone. Her heart hurt. She knew that they couldn’t stop the session from the outside since they didn’t know on which point she was, if she was aware of what was happening. Did they even give her the authentication to stop it?  
“Chuck!” she shouted out and she froze like being tossed into liquid nitrogen as Chuck Hansen turned around and looked at her.  
Suddenly picture and sound warped like something was disturbing the transmission. The pilot was back to where he had been before, staring on the screen before him, looking for that Kaiju, like nothing had happened to her at all. But Cyan knew it had happened and she couldn’t breathe. Her lungs were burning as she reminded herself to inhale.  
And then it was too late.  
Cyan couldn’t see anything, not even think straight as she was electrified. A part of her knew that this was only a simulation and that this was not real, the pain however was much too real, or the paralysis, or the lightning in her ears. And just like that it was over. The EMP had hit them, washed over them and was gone. So why was she still there?  
Trying to calm down her breathing she blinked several times, but she still was standing in the back of the CONNPOD, even though it was impossible. The electronic fallout should have even erased parts of what she had experienced, there should not be any records of this and still Striker was shaking, still Herc and Chuck were trying to get her back to work, even though the Jaeger was almost completely dead.  
All she could hear was mumbling. She shouldn’t be here, she could not be here and still she was.  
“Who the hell are you?” the Australian accent, the melody of his voice was uncanny.  
Cyan blinked at Chuck Hansen and he stared back, like she had just walked in on him wearing some embarrassing Superman pajamas.  
Something flashed in his eyes.  
“Meghan?” his voice sounded slightly different and she felt unnaturally cold.  
This was impossible and still she knew that feeling that crept through her nerves.  
“Chuck”, she heard her own voice reply.  
She was seeing ghosts and all the while Herc was obliviously continuing to try getting Striker back to work.  
“Are we drifting?” Chuck question almost made her sick, because the AI would never ask her that, since it knew what it was.  
“No”, she whispered.  
Again the world around her was warping. She lost sight. All she could hear was Chuck screaming “No!” towards his Dad and then everything went black. The only thing she was able to sense was wetness on her face, because she was crying.


	16. Warped Reality - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all they can do is watch

Whatever the doctor said it obviously did not sink into Hercules Hansen's mind because all he knew right now was not only that this crew had invaded his son's and his very own privacy, right now they were violating Chuck's peace. He himself had not even allowed himself to start mourning and they rubbed it into his face. Did they also have the recording of Chuck's final battle? Would they even implant these memories into this girl's mind? Her knowing the dog's name treating it like that made so much more sense now. She knew all of this because she had been in their heads. A part of him was aware of what she had told them, that she was not supposed to remember any of this, and yet how she had behaved around him told Herc that she may have lied. The way she was wearing her hair, the way she was using her voice. He kept asking himself now if this was coincidence or if Cyan had been pushed into those memories that often that she started confusion that she was.   
"This will stop now", his voice was much weaker than he had intended to and Nevlin turned around to him, slowly.  
"You can have them all", she said, "every record, every data, as soon as we have finished; and now excuse me."  
She turned away again, but Herc wasn't willing to let hero of the hook that easily. It was Raleigh's hand on his chest that stopped the Marshal from approaching the scientist. He did not say a word, yet a look at his face and Mako's reading their expression showed him what they thought openly. Was he willing to potentially risk a life over this? Herc's fury vanished like a candle being blown out. Yes, what was happing here was wrong, but if would not bring his son back.  
However they did not leave but watch, witnessing how that woman who appeared that rationally was close to panic. None of them understood a term those people were saying but it looked like they were being more or less helpless.  
"Tune it down to a minimum!" - "The connection is too strong; it's like a true drift. The damage for her could be too severe“; and it went on line that until they all just stared at the screen that went black.  
Herc knew that this had to be the moment the EMP had hit Striker. He could remember the pain as the electricity overloaded the circuit suit. It had felt like dancing with a lightning. It was brief and still it had numbed him, made him sore, and made him feel just like how his son had called him later on: like an old man.  
As soon as the monitors were back on-line an alarm went off. It was the one for Cyan’s life signals.  
"Her data's off the record!" Gavin shouted even though he did not need to raise his voice in order to be louder than the alarm, but because Nevlin already stormed off to get into the Jaeger's head.  
"Doc, wait! She's still synched!"  
"What?"she froze and turned around slowly like she was fighting water.  
"There's still something recorded... I think", Gavin ran up to her, showing her the tablet.  
Mako and Raleigh looked at each other knowing that they were asking the same question again: how could a digital record still show something after an electronic fall out. If Striker had been sending information on time it would explain for them to have something about that fight, but after the EMP it should have been impossible to send or record anything. Maybe Striker hadn't been totally dead or functional enough to still send something?  
"Send me back in!" a voice was whispering through the speakers, repeating itself once more. "Send me back in! I need to talk to him. Gavin, get me back in."  
A look on the screen that was showing her vital data showed was showing that the alarms hadn't stopped, however her body wasn't shown in red anymore but orange.  
Cyan was awake and aware though she looked like just having woken up from a much too short night after drinking for eight hours straight.  
"No, the simulation killed off a huge amount of your nanos", Gavin answered and telling by Nevlin's shook glance he totally had forgotten about their guests.  
"Then give me more", she sounded demanding, almost appalled about him not following her order.  
"The budget...", Nevlin wanted to argue but Cyan literally snapped at her.  
"For Christ's sake, Cat", somehow she sounded like having an Australian accent instead of an American one. "Malone's breathing money, don't gimme that. I need to get back in. He's off his rocker."  
"What to you mean by that, Cyan?" the doctor either tried to distract her or really was interested, probably both, but the girl did not answer but started to hack onto the display in front of her.  
"Cyan, you need to get out of there, your vitals are off, I can't allow you to get back into the synch", Nevlin tried to argue.  
"He thinks he's him", the pilot answered and looked directly at the camera that was pointed at her, gritting her teeth.  
"What?" Nevlin frowned and so did everyone, while Cyan looked like she made a terrible mistake.  
"I just need to know that he's okay, he's not reacting. I just need to know that he's alright, please", she added. "There was something warped after the EMP. Something mixed. I could see what was happening. I fear that it corrupted his code. I need to get back in, I need to fix it."  
"It's an artificial intelligence, whe just erase the corrupted code and replace it with a backup", one of the other men said.  
"You don't understand", Cyan narrowed her eyes slightly. "You can't simply replace a co-pilot."


	17. man and machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the lines between man and machine seem to be thinner than expected

Distorted silence filled the room, only the low beeps and buzzes of the electronic devices were heard for that moment when everyone apart Cyan was trying to process the strange information she had given.  
"What does she mean?" Raleigh could hear the doctor ask her assistant and he himself had no real clue, just a feeling.  
Herc was the only one who looked at the girl that seemed so familiar and narrowed his eyes as he noticed that she was moving oddly, as if she was trying to avoid being caught. Tendo and Mako were too busy in watching the crew members trying to make sense out of their data, so only Raleigh followed the Marshal’s gaze.  
"What is she doing?" he asked him and in that moment Cyan’s eyes were flickering again.  
Gavin flinched as his tabled PC was suddenly lighting up and stared at the display in disbelief.  
“She… she’s overwriting the security protocols for the nanites”, he answered and turned towards his boss, completely oblivious to the strangers in the room now, as he spoke out the name for micro-sized robots no one believed were possible to exist, simply because the development was too expensive.  
Apparently nothing was too expensive for Connor Malone.  
“Cyan, stop!” Nevlin grabbed the microphone in front of her, but there was no response. “You are risking your life. We don’t know how much your body can take. We can’t risk that it starts to reject the nanites and with them your artificial part. Horizon is not worth it.”  
That last sentence made the girl stop and look straight at the camera that was monitoring her face and somehow Raleigh felt like she really was looking at the doctor. And then suddenly the Jaeger’s head was moving, following its pilot and staring at them. According to the accelerating hectic obviously that was not something normal to them. And one look at the displays made Mako next to him nervous as she gave him a tensed look. Cyan wasn’t synced with her Jaeger anymore and yet Horizon started to movie along with her. Was this due to the conscious AI?  
“We are going to cut you off if you don’t stop”, Nevlin’s voice sounded way more insecure than she surely had intended to and the girl kept staring at her, suddenly flinching, pressing her eyes shut.  
“She injected another dose”, Gavin stated and his boss gave him a glare that made the young scientist step back from her.  
“Catherine”, Cyan suddenly answered, opening her glowing eyes just then, “check the system, not my vitals, check his system. He’s crashing, I can feel it. I need to fix him and only I can. If you cut me off, we’re going to lose him. You’ll kill him.”  
She closed her eyes again like she knew that the doctor would made that nod towards one of the engineers who then would start hitting holographic buttons and show just that. In Raleigh’s ears Cyan’s words still kept ringing, especially how she had spoken about the AI that called itself Chuck. He looked at Herc who appeared to be carved out of stone right now, stone that was about to burst. As if he had felt the gaze of the pilot next to him he turned towards Raleigh, his lips still a thin and firm line and without another word he proceed that movement and turned his back to the room and left. Unlike Tendo and Raleigh Mako seemed to not be confused about this and when her co-pilot made the attempt to follow Herc she placed her hand onto his lower arm and shook his head.  
They had expected the Marshal to order a shut-down, but yet he didn’t and this was more than strange.  
“I’ll see what I can do”, Tendo noticed Mako’s hand and stepped down the stairs, joining the people there like ha always had been one of them.  
“I think that name is more than just a coincidence”, Mako eventually said, looking at Raleigh as if she was expecting him to read her mind, which would have been neat.  
Still he knew that he could count on Mako’s brilliant mind and he himself had already doubted how an IA could name itself. And now when they had witnessed that Cyan Horizon’s team was using digital recordings of Striker Eureka’s missions, plus the familiarity of the AI’s voice, it being the first ever male Jaeger, made Mako’s words almost unnecessary, especially remembering Cyan’s last words.  
“He thinks he’s him”, Raleigh repeated those words. “As the AI thinking that it’s Chuck?”  
Hesitantly he turned his statement into a question lifting up his tone at the end of the sentence, yet Mako nodded once, her eyes still glued to his.  
“You think that’s even possible?” his voice was echoing his wish that it wasn’t.  
“It depends on the code, on the programming”, Mako answered, still lowering her voice. “What the intention was in the first place.”  
“For the AI to be as human as possible”, Raleigh more or less quotes what Cyan had told them.  
“The easiest way would be to try and copy one”, was her reply and Raleigh turned as pale as she already was.  
When it came to what he knew about this Connor Malone he was a self-absorbed, self-centered genius, who had raised himself or at least was raised by others than his family. Raleigh knew nothing about Malone’s mother, but she seemed to be dead while his father had been busy with building the company, that Malone took over several years ago. Thinking of this history the parallels between Chuck Hansen and Connor Malone were uncanny. He swallowed as he asked himself if Cyan was aware of that. It almost seemed like she wasn’t meant to be Malone’s co-pilot but Chuck, like she was meant to be the compiler between Malone and the AI and not like it usually was: the AI the controlling system for two humans mind melding with each other.


	18. man or machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting back into the drift becomes more difficult as Cyan has to face real memories.

Cyan knew that this was a risk, she was well aware of the effects a nanite overdose could be. She already had been through it, almost lost her artificial bodyparts because of that. Nevlin had to but her into a coma all over again and into a clean room, since Cyan needed to get a chemo therapy in order to kill off all the white blood cells that had been attacking was what not human but machine. Cyan knew that she would probably have to go through all of this once more, yet she rather would live half a year like that again, than lose him.  
Her heart sped up and slowed down, natural and artificial body reacting to the new dosage of miniature robots in nano size invading her blood system. Nanites were nothing else like that: artificial white blood cells. A genius invention that probably would be capable to cure diseases like cancer and even AIDS, maybe even mortality, but it was far too expensive to produce in such large amounts and the economy was ruined that no one could afford such treatments. So no one knew about this apart the inner circle of project Horizon.  
The drift felt stranger this time; the pull seemed to be more physical, like she really was dragged into a downward spiral messing with her stomach. Or maybe, she thought, this was the effect of her injection. She would not go there.  
“Chuck?”  
Cyan wasn’t even sure if she was speaking out loudly or really had sunken into the comatose state she was used to be in whenever there was an update session. She couldn’t tell, yet there was something different. However even if they were able to hear her, they already had learned enough of the secret she had kept. Now her only worry was Horizon’s AI, Chuck, her one and only friend, who had grown on her with every single update they had gone through. Was this possible? Could he really believe that he was Herc Hansen’s son? Had he seen her memories of the newsflash she had seen? That the real Chuck Hansen was dead?  
“Meghan”, that voice wasn’t distorted anymore and yet she instantly knew who stood behind her in the darkness; so why did she feel like having goose bumps?   
When she turned around they were standing in the main hall of the Shatterdome where she only had been once and yet she could see full details of the different bays and different Jaegers; giant robots that either rested smashed and broken in Hongkong’s harbor or scattered in particles of dust in the Pacific Ocean. She tensed, her hands clenched into fists; she shouldn’t think of this, she had no idea what would happen to him if he saw her thoughts. Luckily she hadn’t been there, at least not yet. Suddenly fear washed over her, since she knew that there was one final update.  
“What’s wrong?” her eyes focused and she felt like a kaiju had kicked her stomach.  
Had she ever seen him in her dreams? She couldn’t remember; she never really had. All her coma memories were disembodied, only thoughts without pictures. At least when it came to him. But there he was, standing right in front of her and she fought down the urge to lift her arm and touch him, just to check. This was a drift, she reminded herself.  
In front of her was the figure of a dead man a shadow of a memory and yet Cyan knew that this hull carried the mind of the Jaeger in which cockpit she was standing right now with her eyes closed.  
“Are you okay? You look … kinda sick”, he smirked at her.  
She remembered that one from an interview she had seen on TV and asked herself if she saw what she wanted to see or what Chuck projected into her mind. He behaved like all of this was normal, that this wasn’t a mind conversation they used to have.  
“Are you okay?” she asked cautiously.  
He mirrored the movement of her head, tilting slightly to the side and she could feel a strange rush in her veins. It had to be the nanites doing their work because both of her hands were tingling.  
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Chuck frowned.  
Chuck; she should have known it ever since he had told her to call him that and she had. Guilt was the feeling of sickness in her throat; because she knew that she had wanted nothing more than piloting a Jaeger with Chuck Hansen and that was exactly what Horizon’s AI was giving her now.  
“Do you know who you are? I mean: what you are?” She asked hesitantly.  
A bark made her flinch and freeze just a split second later.  
“Max! Come here!” his voice seemed rougher now as he went down to pat and scrub the dog’s fur, looking up darkly and displeased and Cyan turned around, following the direction and stared right at Raleigh Becket who looked at Chuck in a mixture of wondering and being skeptic before he simply passed by without a word.  
This was one of Chuck’s memories. And that knowledge alone mad the confusion of persons much more obvious and the wrongness of her actions even more. She should have told Nevlin the moment Horizon’s behavior had shifted, had become more human, more like … Chuck. And now it was too late.  
When she turned back the figure was gone, just like the dog and the rest of the Shatterdome. Quickly she moved around again and stumbled backwards. She was in her room. In Anchorage. This was one of her memories.


	19. man or machine - part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Horizon's programming is revealed and quite unsettling

“No, no, no”, she shook her head moving quickly to the large monitor that replaced her window; showing the latest news.  
Yet in her memory she hadn’t switched of the TV but turned it louder as it showed Hongkong harbor and the woman pronounced the closing of the Breach and with which losses this had been achieved. Cyan tied to break out of this event and yet she kept staring kept reading the ticker that ran through the picture, telling her the names of the Jaegers that had been destroyed and the names of those the world would be mourning.  
There was no sound. Could she really not remember the noises anymore?  
“No, no, no”, she shook her head again, her eyes burning.  
She could feel the tears on her face.  
“Why’re you crying, Meg?” her body followed his voice before her mind was able to and he was there again, cocking his brows like he just had said something to mock her. “I’m right here.”  
Her stomach turned and her ears were ringing. No, these were the alarms of her Jaeger. Her knees gave in and she battled for balance, reaching out automatically as she looked down, checking if her legs were still there. But were they failing? Something caught her and her head moved up again in surprise and disbelief since this was not part of her memory. Someone who had not been there and who also was not standing next to her in flesh and blood would not be able to do that.   
“Why are you worried?” Chuck asked her and there was something different about his expression; she never had seen Herc’s son look like that, whenever she had gotten the chance to see it.  
“I worry about you”, she heard herself answer, “The EMP”, she added quickly, “and what followed. The recording was corrupted and you … behaved differently.”  
“You cannot really say that. It’s an assumption. You can’t remember”, Chuck answered and smirked like he was teasing her again. “What we were doing.”  
She shuddered and remembered that he was holding her by her shoulders and apparently did not let her go. Not even when she tried to move away.  
“So you know that you’re not Chuck Hansen”, she frowned and the figure in front of her laughed out loud and shook his head.  
“Meg, come one, that’s not funny”, he responded and she felt like she was about to throw up.  
“I need to make sure that we can pilot this Jaeger together, with or without Malone. So please confirm”, she sounded like she was begging and she probably was. “Who are you?”  
“Who am I? I’m the guy that’s gonna deliver this bomb that’s who I am.”  
They were in Striker Eureka’s bay this time. Cyan simply knew it, just as clearly as this was wrong.  
“Stop!” she shouted at Chuck, gabbing his shoulders as she was free now.  
“This is not you! This is not even your memory!” she shook him. “Stop it and come back to me!”  
He stared at her, blankly for a moment like he had no idea who she was, until there was recognition in his eyes and he smiled, just slightly, but enough to rip a hole in her stomach once again.  
Cyan still hear the alarms in the distance, yet she felt a little bit better as she tried to breathe evenly.  
“You’re out of step”, her Jaeger, who looked like someone she knew she wanted to see, stated the obvious and   
“No, you are”, she shook her head and dropped her arms.   
Chuck tilted his head and frowned and she couldn’t help but ask herself if he always had appeared to her like that, looking like Chuck Hansen. And if yes, then why? Because Horizon should study him?  
“Yes”, he answered, his face now almost expressionless, drowning her in puzzlement. “Not in our first sessions though. You first only saw me like I appear to everyone else until I understood how you wanted me to look like, who you wanted me to be. The same as Nevlin wanted me to be, so it was only logical to appear like him.”  
Cyan swallowed dryly. She felt feverish and dizzy.  
“So you know that you are not him”, she needed to know, suddenly being aware that they both were standing in nothingness, like being in a room without light and still she was able to see his face, Chuck’s face.  
“That depends”, Chuck made one step closer, “on what you want.”  
“I don’t understand”, she looked up to him, shaking her head again but slower this time.  
“My orders are to be drift compatible with both of my pilots”, the AI explained. “Connor does not care what or who I am as long as I function; he has no emotional dependencies, just like his hemisphere should be. But you”, he lifted his right hand and stroke a strain of hair behind her ear, while she watched him being frozen like a mice facing a cat, and yet that metaphor was ultimately wrong,” you are in need of emotional connection, friendship, closeness, trust, comfort…”  
Cyan stepped back. She knew he was right, but she felt like throwing up. Her heart was racing again, just like her breath. His voice was in her head now and her eyes were flickering, and she was losing balance.  
“I’m what you need me to be, Meg, and if you need me to be fine, I’ll be fine. If you need me to be nothing more than a voice and a compute than that’s what I’ll be.”  
She found herself on her knees with no one catching her. Cyan scolded herself for expecting that, for wanting that. The EMP hadn’t corrupted him, it had been her. The recording of the electronic fallout hadn’t had any effect in the AI, but on whatever program there had been to make sure she wasn’t conscious, that she wouldn’t communicate like she was used to during the sessions.  
“If you want me to be him”, Chuck’s voice was right next to her left hear. “Then I’ll be him.”


	20. Am I not human?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyan has had enough.

Cyan dropped, like her puppet master had decided to stop pulling her strings she was hanging on her platform, her artificial limbs seemingly dysfunctional. It was like waking up from a dream, like after every session. This time however she could remember absolutely everything, not just bits and pieces that could easily been drawn from newsflashes and imagination. This time she had proof, this time she new and this time her whole body felt like she had run a marathon, like her artificial body parts actually knew what weariness felt like. She didn’t manage to get up; maybe she had killed off too many nanites with this trip? There was wetness on her face. Had she been crying.  
“Come on”, she barely knew that voice that belonged to the man who was pulling her up to her feet, assisting her in her effort to get up by herself.  
Cyan turned her head to see that it was Raleigh Becket. Flashes of memories that weren’t her own clouded her sight; about searching a fight with him, just to get beaten up by someone who was lighter, faster, and much angrier. Chuck Hansen’s memories. She definitely stared at Raleigh in the same freaked out way than he looked at her. But why?   
Now she really needed to throw up. Quickly she moves her head away from him, trying to get off her helmet. Acidy heat crawled up her throat and poured into her mouth. There was no other way than swallowing it down again.   
With a hiss the lock of her helmet snapped open and Cyan inhaled deeply though her mouth, looking at Mako who was pulling of what seemed to have restricted her. Raleigh’s co-pilot looked almost as freaked out as him, but more in concern.  
Cyan’s tears felt like they were gluing her face, snaking down her cheeks and she even seemed to have them run out of her nose. Just when she had decided to be annoyed about this fact, the same shop displayed on her face like on those around her, and on Nevlin’s as she stepped inside Horison’s CONNPOD. Cyan already had wiped her fingertips across her upper lip and looked at them. It didn’t look like blood because it was black goo. She was bleeding out nanites. She faltered, but Raleigh kept her steady.  
“Meghan!” Nevlin shouted out Cyan’s birth name and was about to leap forward, but stopped right there and then when the girl, who had been rebuilt to become nothing else than a tool, moved into a fighting position, ready to punch her.  
“You have no right to call me that, anymore”, Cyan’s voice was husky, almost hoarse, and even though she tried to cover it up; it took her some effort to move what was not human of her body.  
Mako and Raleigh exchanged glances of realization. This girl would never be able to live without these strange injections and maybe not even able t live without being hooked to machinery on a regular basis. Her life literally ran on credit and support. If Malone decided that he would not need her anymore he could simply let her die. They realized what Cyan already had figured out the moment she had drifted the first time with Horizon. And once more she asked herself why she had survived, why her body had fought so fiercely, when she really had nothing to live for, when her life belonged someone else.  
“You need to calm down”, her doctor who had been a mother for her, told her, made her notice that she was close to hyperventilating and that her chest hurt.  
Cyan’s gaze dropped on her hand again, glaring at the black goo on her bright blue colored glove, and she couldn’t help but ask herself if her blood was entirely of that color as well, or if this was the aftermath of the protocols being rewritten.  
“Horizon is perfectly fine”, she said, not really caring who was listening. “I think all of this was just to delete whatever protocol you programmed inside my head that I wouldn’t remember what happens during the sessions, that you were implanting memories of someone else into our heads”, Cyan looked up at Nevlin, dropping her hands slowly, “that you’re rebuilding the character of a true living person. Do you think it makes it less wrong when that person’s dead now? Have you any idea what this does to me? What you have done to me? All this for the sake of creating the perfect single piloted Jaeger.”  
“Horizon’s nothing without you”, Nevlin sounded caring, and yet like she wanted to soothe a raging child. “Malone cannot pilot this Jaeger without you.  
“No!” Cyan’s scream echoed in the small room, and she pointed at the tower of boards, cables and blinking light which was the mainframe of Horizon. “I am nothing without him! Because of you! You knew about my feelings, about my dreams and you programmed him to become them. You’d better push my off switch and reset me, if you ever want me to talk to obey to you again. I am done.”  
She clenched her hands into fists like preparing to bring up all the strength she had and started heading to the exit of the CONNPOD as Nevlin stepped into her way. Cyan did nothing more than give her a nudge and still the woman almost lost her balance and fell when she was moved out of the girl’s way.  
“Meg!” the voice that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere made everyone but her flinch, and it had never sounded so clearly like Chuck than before.  
It made her stop and lift her hand to the part of her head that wasn’t natural.  
No one could tell if she answered silently or not, but her, still she didn’t turn around but walked out.


	21. what am I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Cyan outrun Chuck's voice in her head?

She had no idea if it was her being upset or the dose of nanites being too low that breathing seemed to be more difficult and her body more heavily. Yet all she knew was that she had to get away from there that she had to clear her mind, to be alone. Still as long as she had that implant in her head she would not be on her own, since Chuck had found a way to use it for talking to her. And this was why she needed to get out of the Shatterdome, out of his reach. Meg had no idea how far she would have to go because she never had tried this before. The only time the two of them hadn’t been able to speak to each other had been when she still was waiting in Anchorage while he was already in Hong Kong and Meg hadn’t actually looked up the distance.  
Humming loudly “Smoke on the water” she tried to silent Horizon’s AI in her mind, reminding herself that this was everything he really was: artificial, not human. Meg knew that this wasn’t fair.  
“Talk to me”, he spoke almost softly in her skull, now sounding even more like Chuck Hansen; so obviously that her stomach turned once more.  
Why had she never realized, never noticed that familiarity? Maybe because she didn’t want to, because she wanted to live this dream; yet it becoming reality was something else entirely. And in the end it was wrong, was it? And his words were so hurtfully true. It had been what she wanted all the time, more like she had imagined when she couldn’t sleep. Dreaming and sleeping were different for Meghan Dupris since she had become Cyan. Sleep was like the drift: it was calm, cool and free of all the horrors buried in her mind. To dream was being out of control, ‘chasing the rabbit’ as the pilots said, and it terrified her; yet dreaming while awake was the absolute opposite. Maybe it was her transplant that allowed her imagination to appear almost real in front of her eyes. And only her Chuck – Horizon – knew of what she imagined, because he was able to listen to her and he knew what she wanted. To be human again, to be in a world where Kaijus never existed, where her parents and her brother still were alive, where she could have met him in normal circumstances where he too still was not dead. Yet no one could tell her how he would have been without losing his mother and being brought up to become a pilot. The past wasn’t changeable.  
“Meg, stop!” Chuck insisted inside of her head and for the first time since she heard him it felt wrong, it felt like having another personality inside of her that didn’t belong. “Please, you have to go back.”  
So badly she wanted to be to able ignoring him, to not react to his words, but they sounded so emotional, so worried that it made her cringe, because it felt so human, so real. Just like she always had treated him until now. Did he sound more distant? She was about to reach the landing platform of the choppers.  
“They are going to replace you. You know they have another one, don’t you? You know you weren’t the first”, Chuck’s words made her freeze, like someone switched off her legs.  
That someone was herself. And suddenly she was aware of the people staring at her. Workers, mechanics, engineers, members of the PPDC. She probably had marched through the halls of the Shatterdome being so busy ignoring that voice in her head that she hadn’t been aware of anything else. And there definitely was he black goo all over her face. Quickly she turned to the wall closest to her, wishing she could take off the glove to wipe off her face.  
What are you talking about? She finally responded to him in her head.  
“Pilot!” Hercules Hansen’s voice echoed through the concrete corridor.  
His tone made her stand straight like a candle and move around to face him. Broken collarbone or not, it didn’t take him much time to catch up to her and it was maybe just his injury that powered is angry expression in a way that it almost appeared dark. He had called her pilot.  
Dad, she heard in her head and she shook her head slightly.  
He’s not your Dad, you’re an AI, she gave back, gritting her teeth, and still a wave of emotion washed over her, stirring in her stomach, that it was hard to figure out what she really felt as the acting Marshall approached her.  
The first thing he did was handing her a handkerchief. Without a word, no questions asked, but she knew what she was supposed to do with it and she did. And when she looked at the once white fabric that looked like she had cleaned an oil spilled engine she could imagine how she must have freaked out everyone around her. However what shocked her was that she didn’t care.  
“In my office, now”, Herc ordered and started walking; she followed instantly and it felt eerily familiar, just like the tension that took over her body.  
I might not be his son, she heard in her head again, but he’s not your father either, don’t think of him like that. I know you always tell that yourself. Just admit your huge crush on him and get over it, rather concentrate on me.  
Cyan inhaled sharply to stop herself from retorting loudly. His words were two fists to her face. One: they were true and there was no denying it since he was in her head and two: for the first time he sounded like the real Chuck, saying what on his mind without caring of the effect on her. Yet what made her skin electrify was the way his words sounded in his head. He sounded like he was jealous, like he was demanding of her to be … to be what exactly?


	22. Confusion

It wasn’t his office, at least that’s what Chuck hummed in her head – no matter how hard she tried not to name Horizon like that, she failed every time and it almost felt like she was hurting him with her trying to degrade him back to an artificial intelligence. And after all: he was her only and best friend, despite the awkwardness of that thought.  
Cyan walked into the Marshal’s room. Stacker Penecost’s room that technically was Herc Hansen’s now and it was him who shut the door behind her. She didn’t need watching him to know that his face still was carved with anger. However when he stepped in front of her Herc’s glance was slightly different from her imagination or maybe it had been Chuck’s picture?  
Flashes of images in front of her eyes made her shut her lids, pressing them tight before she looked at Herc again. It felt like someone uploaded a flood of memories into her brain, and she shuddered due to the question whether Malone had intended this the whole time, if he was planning on turning her into the one pilot he really had needed. It freaked her out and almost made her forget about the man standing in front of her.  
“What the hell were you thinking?” he barked at her and Cyan asked herself if Herc himself was entirely sure who he was yelling at.  
Her head titled slightly to the side, something Chuck wouldn’t have done, and she tried to shut him out as he told her to stand straight and meet that man’s facial expression.  
Rather tell me, she said silently, what you meant with me being replaceable, I can handle him.  
“Sir”, Cyan spoke out loudly yet not as firmly as she wanted.   
After all this was a man she admired, and who had been distant but friendly the first time they met. She had no idea how hard it was for Hercules Hansen to stand in front of a young woman, who looked like his dead wife and apparently seemed to have his dead son’s memories in her head.  
“I wasn’t thinking”, Cyan continued and took Herc by surprise; Chuck definitely wouldn’t have said that.  
I won’t tell ya if you behave like this, she heard him snapping in her head and hat to force herself not to roll her eyes.  
“I’m sorry”, she added, maybe only to annoy the voice in her head. “It won’t happen again.”  
Herc narrowed his eyes a little and leaned slightly towards her, making her fight to stand her ground and not inhale what happened to be the soap he had used.  
I was right! Chuck hissed, commenting on her body’s reaction and Cyan knew that she was blushing, much to Herc’s confusion, and told her co-pilot to shut his damn, nonexistent mouth.  
“You should let yourself get checked by your scientists”, was her Marshal’s response and she nodded quickly, answering: “Yes, sir”, attempting to leave as he turned his back on her, so that she wouldn’t see that he was fighting more than just the pain of a broken bone.  
“You weren’t dismissed”, he made her freeze.   
Seconds of silence passed and even Chuck kept silent, which disturbed her even more.  
“Sir?” she asked cautiously as he hadn’t moved, apart from his head dropping slightly.  
“Wash your face”, was his reply accompanied with a head tilt towards the bathroom and Cyan obeyed.  
Yet she was incapable of stopping herself from looking at him. She felt worry. Most certainly more than she should for someone she hardly knew. It made her sick in her stomach again and dizzy.  
That’s not him, that’s the low level of nanites in your system. Chuck broke his pouting.  
And probably, she gave back, that’s the reason why I can’t numb you down, Cyan closed her eyes even before she had switched on the water, leaning onto the basin.  
Why wouldn’t you want me with you? I’m your closest and only friend. I would never betray you, but you’re planning on leaving me. You know that they actually can cut you off? He finally continued what he had been starting about earlier, and she knew now to keep quiet, washing her face just like Herc had told her; she hadn’t dared to look at the mirror.  
Chuck continued sounding strangely more emotional in her head than she was used to, or maybe this was just her, being all wound up herself: You weren’t the first choice, but they were lucky to find you. However you’ve done your job so well that you made yourself replaceable. If you leave now, they will just let you die.  
I don’t understand, she responded silently, splashing once more water into her face, realizing how cold it was. She had been sure that the temperature hadn’t been set as cold as it felt on her skin. She checked the armature and turned of cold. The water still felt cold.  
You need to go back, Meg, I can sense that you’re not okay. Get back.   
No, she responded tonelessly, shaking her head and grabbed a towel to dry off her face after switching off the hot water as well, and ignored that she needed to grab the basin to stand steadily.  
I’m losing you, either way. I cannot lose you. I don’t want a dead man as my pilot. Do you hear me?  
Chuck was upset and she felt a strange sting.  
“What are you talking about?” she asked out loudly and Herc turned towards her, confusion written all over his face; but that emotion turned into worry the second their eyes met.  
Cyan watched him walk over to her in slow motion, and a part of her knew that he was rather leaping. And just in that moment when his healthy arm grabbed her, making sure that she wouldn’t fall as he hand slipped off the basin, the alarm went off. The last time that sound appeared was when Gipsy Danger went out of control. Yet there was only one Jaeger in this Shatterdome.


	23. what am I to you?

The last thing Meghan „Cyan“ Dupris felt was an arm around her and the last thing she heard wasn’t Chuck’s voice in her head, but a huskily, roughly huffed “I got you!” which sounded far too intimate. And she was absolutely sure that everything had been a dream, had been one of Catherine’s dream walk gone wrong, that all of this was born from her imagination. Or maybe she was dead and this was her heaven. A strange one.  
She didn’t hear the sirens continuing, or feel how she was carefully placed on the ground. Also she was unaware that it really had been Horizon who had triggered code red, as his system started on his own, and moved. While she was out it had been Mako and Raleigh along with the rest of Horizon’s crew and most of all Tendo who tried to find a way of stopping that Jaeger. However Herc would figure out a bit later that with her fainting Horizon dropped dead silent again.   
“I’m pretty sure that we can be grateful that her nanite level was that low that she passed out”, Gavin’s voice sounded like she was under water. “Because I’m pretty dam sure the Marshal was right.”  
“She said something that definitely wasn’t a reaction to me”, Herc Hansen seemed to agree, standing seemingly closer and not between a veil odd liquid.  
“I always thought ghost drifting was a myth”, she couldn’t identify that voice, she never had heard it before; but someone in her head should.  
“That wasn’t ghost drifting”, Gavin disagreed. “That was the AI.”  
“Whoa, can I drift with it?” again that voice.  
Cyan realized suddenly that she was awake, but the silence in her head was more terrifying. That annoying beep in the distance that had slumbered silently and calmly suddenly exploded into a wild techno beep as she sat up straight, inhaling deeply, just to cough out heavily.  
In disbelief she stared at the people standing around her: Gavin, Catherine, Herc, Tendo and a smaller guy with scratched glasses and a red eye. The way the PPDC members behaved around him she knew that she had to know his name, that Chuck would know it. As she glared ad him the guy stepped back becoming nervous like a squirrel.  
She blinked, noticing that someone was holding her hand, but it couldn’t be her doctor since she was standing on the other side. Even more she felt her own clinging to it, which was why she had do admit that this apparently already had been like this before she was awake. Cyan looked at Herc and tried to calm herself down with breathing deeply.  
Not letting go of the hand, pretending it to have cramped she looked at Catherine: “I can’t hear him.”  
Her hand tensed and somehow it felt so strangely human, because it did hurt. Still she needed to check that she wasn’t hurting anyone and this time it was more obvious to the others, so Cyan needed to let go, moving her head to look at the one who had presented herself like a mother when she had been nothing more like her personal prison guard.  
“We switched him off, just to be sure, we have to check his coding so that this doesn’t happen again”, the woman responded and Cyan didn’t care a bin that he was wearing nothing but a hospital gown as she jumped out of bed: “No!”  
Herc had the decency to turn away and walk to the other side. Newt made a sound that definitely let him appear like a squirrel to the others as well now and stepped further back.  
“If you change one byte I’ll make you regret it!” she pointed the index finger of her hand that had been held just seconds before directly at Catherine Nevlin.  
“That’s all I needed to hear”, the woman smiled friendly, but Cyan knew better, because she saw that terror in these eyes.  
“I am dead serious”, she added icily. “If you harm him I’ll harm you in the same manner.”  
“Meghan, calm down”, Herc’s voice almost paralyzed her and the beeping noise in the background was the undeniable truth, as it slowed down.  
Annoyed she ripped of the sensors that were sending her heart rate to the computer, which made the monitor sound flatline. Gavin moved and shut it down.  
Cyan shivered, hearing her name, her true name like that, felt strange, especially coming from Hercules Hansen’s mouth. She grabbed the blanked that had covered her and wrapped herself into it, avoiding to look at the Marshal or anyone else but Catherine Nevlin, the one woman she had admired, respected and loved. It was bad poetry how quickly those emotions could turn into the opposite.  
“Horizon will stay deactivated until we can make sure that this was a one case incident. If you as his pilot can guarantee this, if you can make sure that this doesn’t happen again, I don’t see any problem in activating him again, but”, Herc added quickly, his face being carved out of stone again, meeting her careful gaze, “without any control of the Jaeger. This has to be checked.”  
Cyan nodded.  
“And you are going to report when your doctors declare you ready for duty.”  
Now she pressed her lips tight. There was nothing she hated more than being at Catherine’s mercy right now, but it had been the Marshal’s order and when she wanted to be a pilot she needed to obey. So she nodded again. Once, briefly.  
“I need to make myself a picture of this system. So before this Jaeger is reactivated fully, I need to know how it works and if it is true, that it has a mind of its own”, he turned towards Nevlin now, but it still was Cyan’s heart that dropped.


End file.
